Aiya... forgot to mention in the last last entry that it was the 100th entry of this blog.. Hahaha... whatever lah... Today... i dunno... but i felt that maybe i shouldn't be there at all...~ If only i could get away... not a fruitful day at all..~
Normally sat i'll be out with Via to study... but this week coz it's my paternal grandfather's death anni... so got to go to my uncle's house to do all the routine thingy... and i was relunctant to be there.. expecting that things will not turn out very well for me... i'm prepared for it.... in fact... it was worse than i thought.... I know that i'm not in very good terms with my cousins... to be exact... we normally dun even talk to each other... i dunno what's the reason behind lah... And one of my aunts who is very very sociable commented to mum that i always keep quiet when i'm there... I was quite hurt when mum said that to me... coz in the first place... i never wanted to be like that... i never wanted to be left out... never wanted to be seen as an anti-social person... i think it's just becoz we hua4 bu4 tou2 ji1... i never understood what they were talking about.. and neither will they understand my likings... so why waste the time and energy?
And not that i dun want to talk to them... but do i have the chance? Am i given the chance? Every time we were there... there will be lotsa things to do... and i get involved.. why?~ coz mum's the decision maker... and we lives the nearest.. and most imptly... i'm the youngest.. no matter what... asking me to do is the most convenient coz da-jie will be already helping out and she knows that er-jie will be the last person who will be willing to do it... So whenever i might have the chance to get near my cousins... i might be called to do something else... which none of cousins needs to do... So if everytime i could only hear part of the story... and have no idea what is going on... what can i say~?! I rmb this happening during one of the CNYs at my house... That was the time i tried to blend in with them... and in the end.. everytime my little cousin had some problems with playing with my com... i would be asked to help... and by the time i get back there.. i'm lost... so what can i do? And i decided i was too extra there... Thus i rather keep quiet... although sometimes i really had tonnes of things i hoped i could say...
Dun be surprised but the only ppl i talked to when there's such gatherings are some of my uncles and aunts... the part of family who came from china... and my family... now even er-jie is so busy that she seldom have the time to entertain me... think mainly coz they made an effort to let me talk about things that i'm interested in... like my seventh uncle and aunt had a liking in co music too... and so everytime either of them will ask me about what i'm doing now for erhu or whatever... And of coz i'm glad to share...~
And in the end din go shopping for clothes today... was quite sad actually... coz she was the one who came up with the suggestion... and in the end she was the one who couldn't make it... coz of work... but suan liao lor... tml, next week... whatever... i'm just afraid that she only can make it on sat and i will miss one studying session again... i dun want that to happen again coz i regretted today... Then mum told us just be4 lunch that we shouldn't go shopping this week also coz there are a lot of ppl there.. and we should stay and talk..~! It's the most ridiculous thing when after lunch the families left one by one.. and we were the only ones left staying there... what shit... so who am i supposed to talk to~?! So will know that i actually talks?~! That leaves me wondering...~
Maybe if mum gave me more freedom... i might be more daring to talk to them... even if i dunno what they are talking about..~ Just felt that it was quite unfair to throw that kind of comment on me... Haiz... whatever lah... go watch tv le.... Bye..~
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