It's been 10 years, my friend.

This post has to be today. 30 Aug 2020. 

I know, it was really a bad idea to revisit memories in the middle of the night. I did it anyway, and emotions just filled my entire body after watching the videos again. To be honest, most of us may have already forgotten about this, ok I'll just speak for myself. It wasn't until the memories of this day on FB that the memories started flooding back at me. but well. see this page for the post. Bye Joel Tan

I can only say that it's really easy for human to forget something and pick up a new habit. We probably only really skyped in the first year he left. And after that it was just birthday wishes and of course, that died down as well. The last we had a short exchange was his birthday last year. And that marks 15 years from when we met. That was crazy, and now he's already been away to Toronto for 10 years and I don't even know what he is doing anymore. And, when the sy people are together (which is also quite non-existent), no one talked about him anymore. It's just a little disheartening to know that this is exactly how humans work. You built up this relation because of work, the things you do together daily - if not often enough. And then when you move on to something else, it's just hard to keep maintaining every single relation you have forged. 

It's true, at the end, we move on with our lives. I'm even close to most of them now. I don't even remember how he sounded like and do not know if he sound the same now. So I happen to scroll through his fb to see if there were any traces of past friendship - none. Except for yvonne writing him birthday wishes once 3 years ago. And that's it. But I also came across a podcast he was working with his schoolmates, so I listened to the part he spoken in. The voice is so foreign, I wouldn't have recognised it if it wasn't for the fake that he introduced himself. Just felt a little mind blown and a little sad. That's all. 

I mean I still remember this friend, I'm quite sure he still remembers us all and will any time welcome us to visit him. Yup, 10 years have passed and none of us visited Toronto, neither did he come back at all, he wasn't intending to anyway. But still, I kind of miss this friend, especially when I was reminded how much fun and how much crazy things we did together in the past. I really love him as a friend, if I could, I would even love him as a person (kidding) all these years because he is worth it. And actually, I really want to plan to visit him when I can. I still have the hope to see him and to reconnect again some day. 

Not saying that anyone is at fault or it is unique to this case, but that's exactly how people are now. 

How often do you tell friends/colleagues/people who are leaving your daily life 'Hey, let's keep in touch!', or 'Hey, let's meet up soon!' Maybe I was being naive all the while, but I would really take these words to heart and I would think that someone who said it, mean it. I don't remember when was the last time I said something along this line, because I know I may not do it anyway, so I don't say it. Only to come to disappointment of course. Don't use these words so easily, just don't. I'm mindful of using them because I know how it felt to have people telling me these but I have never met them since. And I really understand how people come and go in my life, so really no hard feelings, and don't have to be politically correct.

You may say that I can make the first move. Right! I could. But I actually also couldn't, I'm an extroverted introvert. Taking the initiative is not quite my thing unless necessary. Maybe because they are not that important to me too afterall, as much as I'm also not that important to them. To think about it, these are really usually said by outgoing people. And they probably don't mind people telling them the same but don't do it. Maybe it's also just me. Nevermind.

Oh well, I also understand that's why I have lesser and lesser friends now. Like look at this period. Without work on weekends and weekday nights, I'm almost home all day. I'm like the freest person around and I don't even really have the urge to go out with anyone. But I'll be ready to accept any invitation to go out. There isn't many, and sometimes, I'm also slightly reluctant. Anyway, I also tried, and failed a few times. In the end, I went on my own. Also, I've made moves so many times, but I'm just, ignored and still the same. 

All right... it's just me! No hard feelings at all. 

I still miss you Joel. (every now and then hehe)

Dramas (I wished I hadn't)

Sometimes I really wonder if it's really a good idea to watch dramas.

I get so absorbed into the characters and the actors in real life. So I'm always into looking for info about them, of course, can't wait to know more synopsis of the drama first. And if I find someone I'm attracted to, I will start looking up for shows he or she (usually he) acted in. That's how it works I guess. The difficult part is really withdrawing from the characters I like. And I think every single time I wished someone like that would appear in my life, only to realise how miserable my life has been and still is. That's probably why I also stopped for a period of time. Without new inputs, I just occasionally think about some characters I liked in the past, but with new ones it was really difficult to not think about it. 

The last time I'm into watching Korean drama was 2018, whereby somehow I watched a few, mostly because of the cast - someone I really like, eg. Lee Minho, Jung Yonghwa, Park Shinhye, Lee Bo-yong, Ji Chang-wook, and sometimes other members of cnblue. So I usually pick on actors rather than story or ratings. Even so, there were quite a number I didn't watch. And hence, I seldom watch the most popular shows unless they coincide - the actor and ratings. But, I also expanded the list of likes. 

Busy work life have made it also rather difficult for me to catch up with all the drama going on. I don't really have a TV to watch at home (I still don't except for late into the nights, like now). Being a rather emotional person, it was impossible to watch anything outside home. Tried and tested so many times. Whenever I find something new that I can't wait to watch, I never go past 1 episode on the bus, in the office, or wherever else I was. Then I was reminded why I hadn't do that for a long time. I always wonder how other people do it. I really only could do variety shows like Runningman on the go. Even so, I haven't watched Runningman for probably 2 years before I start catching up again since Apr this year.

Fortunately or unfortunately, the pandemic have allowed me more time at home, and caught up with a few recent (mostly) dramas. Also, succumbed to online subscriptions because after all, I only have the choice of watching shows online, and I was tempted by colleagues on recent shows. I finally started in May and I really just jumped into watching them. 

Surprisingly, I've finished watching a few, on and off a few after some breaks in between.

1. Hospital Playlist
The show I immediately jumped into. It was really nice, heartwarming and funny most of the time. Love the chemistry between the actors and how the show was presented. I was rather crazy over the show I would say. So much so, I really finished it within like 2 weeks, while also working and caught up to the latest episode before it was first aired. And ended up discussing the show with many people - and had a group chat changed the group name to include the drama. Subsequently, produced a cover video for one the songs in the drama. Yup, that was how crazy we were. I wouldn't mind watching the show again, and of course, waiting for the next season to come out. I just love all the cast and their stories so much! 

2. Prison Playbook

Following the above, colleague also suggested I watch this one as they were under the same production team. Indeed, I love the show. Of course, I also finished it quite fast, by binge watching at night only. Love the humour and the same actor from Hospital Playlist - Jung Kyung-ho. He has this comical element in him in both shows that makes him so adorable. My fav actor in both shows. 

3. Sweet Munchies

Watched this because of actor Jung Il-woo, took serious notice of him only in Cinderella and the Four Knights (which was probably the last korean drama I blogged about, that was in 2017, and back then I watched because of Lee Jungshin). It turned out to be rather funny, thought provoking and educational. Ok, not exactly but it was still nice. He became a gay chef on a TV programme because he was desperate for money, and wanted to quit after the pilot episode but things got bigger it became a regular. Things became more complicated as he developed feelings for the female lead and the second male lead developed feelings for him. It was so obvious he does but I think as a straight guy, he just didn't notice it, until he expressed his affection for him. Throughout the show my OS was really: 'it is so obvious', he's really not hiding it real well. Then again, no one else in the show noticed as well. Fine.

4. The King

Of course, because of Lee Minho, my number 1. But, there was no strong desire to continue although he is really handsome in the show. I think it's because of the storyline, not exactly captivating. The only captivating element is Lee Minho himself. Most of the reviews were negative on the show as a whole, and also on his acting. To me, I don't really care. I'm just biased towards him. But true to discussion with colleague, they always portray him as 高富帅 (which are all true), and that's why it loses the xfactor sometimes because that's all he is. Nothing changed and hence people don't buy it. 

5. Was It Love (ongoing)

I watched it because of Song Jihyo. Slightly surprised by the story and her character, but she really has the charm. Contrary to popular believes, I really like the male lead - Son Ho-jun, even though he is the shortest amongst the 4 main male characters. But I really like his role, and how he did it. A little childish, but still cares and goes all out. (I realised this is what I like in guys, in all the shows I watched). And I don't think he is less handsome than the others. (I'm saying this because I saw some comments while searching on the drama info). He was also compared to the other 3 in the drama - that he is the shortest and the least handsome. True for the first but not true to the second. The worse suspend in the show is I can't wait to find out who is the father of Song Jihyo's daughter. The drama hasn't ended yet so I couldn't find any answer. We will soon find out! 6 episodes in 3 days. I slowed down a little since the final episode will be next week.

6. Backstreet Rookie 

Of course, I wanted to watch this because of Ji Chang-wook. However, it is only aired on TV, and did I already mentioned about watching the TV at home? So I saw 2 episodes on one of those days I was on leave and the TV was free in the day, and that was it. I haven't catch up with the rest after that. I will!

7. Running Man

Not drama but I finally decided to start watching runningman again. 10years into their making and honestly, even though the format now is totally different from what they started out with, the show is still funny! I guess it's not just song but also the singer(s). I really have to applaud most of them, even the youngest(s) in the group are 34yo this year. It is amazing how they could still do this, esp. when the oldest is like 54yo? And so, I have successfully caught up with the latest episode this year, and going back to what I missed out from last year backwards.

Other than all these, the only other drama I binge watched was 我们与恶的距离, because of 贾静雯 and 曾沛慈. But I was totally surprised by the entire work. Evoked so much emotions with reality of life, emotions overtaking rational thoughts, mental illness, work ethics (media mainly, a little of law) and how the netizens and general views on social problems actually enlarge them more than what they should be. That was really one show the emotions took over me so much that I had to pause the show several times to calm myself down and catch my breathe from all the crying before continuing. And yet, I just couldn't stop watching it. Every character was so well-crafted I can't even decide who was better. There were only 10 episode, but I cried so badly for most of the episodes, late into the night and had swollen eyes the next day.

Where will I go from here, I have no idea. Sometimes the fire or desire to watch dramas just rise and die suddenly I don't know when will it happen again. Meanwhile, I'm somehow hoping this peaceful period continue to last a little longer. It will be good while it lasted (only because I still have a job). 

For the rest, I hope it will be over soon.