其實還是跟我以前覺得的一樣，我真的什麼都不知道。我真的好像跟他們很不熟。😓
真的慚愧... 竟然不知道他前幾天就已經註冊了。但我也明白，之前就比較親，之後有在一起工作，當然比起跟我一起更好。我認了。之是真的發生的時候還是有些失落，也知道我們一起的時候我很多時候也真的搭不上話。總之，還是很高興姐妹結了婚。也沒想到我會在那天被他們湊對。只是我始終認為他對我一點興趣也沒有。但他的個性的確是我喜歡的那種。我犯賤的喜歡被人取笑／欺負，雖然很煩，但卻很有情趣，很有幽默感。但我經過之前的失敗，不得不承認我對感情一點信心也沒有，而且知道喜歡不能隨便說出口。
我真的很希望那個他可以對我有一點點意思。我不知道願意把手放在女生肩膀是什麼意思，是因為不把你當成有機會的對象才這樣還是覺得是一個很好的機會。我以前總以為我明白愛情，了解男生。其實我一點都不了解。我已經迷失了對愛情的方向。
離題了，不過也是為了掩飾開頭的失敗感。哈哈
其實我也以為我很了解這兩個人，不過其實我什麼都不知道。他們有事也不會第一個跟我說。這也當然，我又不是他們的誰。她們一年發生的好事裡，沒有我。They are very very very thoughtful people, I guess they also tried very hard to care about how I feel. But I guess I am just different and distant from them. I can't deny that it is just normal that they forget about me most of the time. And it is caused by a lot of different factors, not their fault, not my fault. It is just how life is like. I also made my best attempt to show that I make an effort. It's okay, really. I'm happy that they are happy too...
Actually I don't know this post should even be here. HAHA But whatever, who still reads this other than myself.
[Edited, 1.4.2018]
it occurs to me because I was being asked some questions regarding the duo, and the bride+bridegroom. But honestly I couldn't answer any of them. It was awkward. And the guy beside laughed at me and ask if I'm really her friend. So to be honest, I'm really not a good friend. Like seriously fail and I felt too.
Tuesday, January 23, 2018
Wednesday, January 17, 2018
17 going 18
Read from my fav artist's private blog post about the new year wishes, looking back into the year and looking forward. You know, I never do New Year resolution since the longest time ever because I feel that most of the things you want to do in life, if you really want to do it, you don't have to wait till new year to decide to do it. And sometimes people list it just to make a list, and these are very short-lived. (or maybe I was just lazy to do it, nonetheless, doesn't mean I do not have any goals in life anyway)
So... roughly this is what he meant, I don't want to quote the entire thing because it's against the rules of the fanclub. He mentioned that we reflect the year, cherish and remember times that are good, forgive but not forget the moments that are unpleasant to us (sounds like preaching but yea, his faith I shall respect). So he said that we can come up with these lists: * Best 3 moments of 2017 * Worst 3 moments of 2017 * Top 3 goals for 2018
I will start with the worst. Honestly, I have come to terms that I don't really want to document bad things that happen to me so I also don't really remember. Haha. That's being positive. Things that are unpleasant usually comes from thoughts and might not have really happened.
The only incident that triggered me this year... that I will not forget, was the musician insisted that his instrument be left on stage just because our crew didn't instruct them to keep their instruments after the rehearsal. And his intention was to allow the crew to spoil it. But the entire thing doesn't make sense. I don't really wish to elaborate further because the incident is so prominent that I will remember it without noting it. (but actually I have because I had to write a report for it)
The only other thing would be that I'm still single. HAHA. Which, to this, I must say that every coin has 2 sides. So while it sounds sad... I am also quite blessed to be happily single (at the moment). Because this allowed me to achieve other things which I will go into later.
Maybe there were other unpleasant things that made me unhappy at that moment, but if I have forgotten about it, it couldn't be too bad then. :)
Now for the best 3 moments:
1. Made a step to travel on my own. Somehow it seems like a big deal at the end of it, having many people tell me that I was brave to do that. But hey, I'm not even going anywhere or doing anything dangerous. It was just a relaxing (not really? looking at my itinerary lol) trip to a place I'm confident that I can do on my own and really be on my own most of the time. In fact, I feel a little uneasy meeting people there than be on my own. Because I was so free most of the time, it tied me down a little when being with someone else, not being able to leave as and when I liked. Haha! To speak the truth, anything that has got to do with 'travel' is always the best thing that happened to me. Other than all the time I had to myself for this trip, I met people with plans or unexpectedly, pushing myself and forcing myself to make decisions and to be disciplined is one of an achievement. I even pushed through all the times I was struggling with then archilles tendon problem. This trip was the best decision I have made the entire year. I loved the other 2 trips all the same - going to UK and Europe for the first time and spending time with my family at my favourite malaysia spot, but this has to be my favourite, in my favouritest country. :)
2. Going to live shows and concerts that I've longed to go. Yup, like I always say, music is so much a huge part of my life I can't live without it anywhere. Again, took a step and attended a pop concert alone, but never regretted the decision even I looked stupid smiling to myself more than half the time during the concert. Lol. Also gave myself more space and exploration going to different productions throughout the year, and also seeing some of my favourite artists. The 4 musicals I saw in UK were one of the best I have ever seen... they are shows I would have gone even if the travel companions didn't want to go with me. Haha. I was really glad we spent that kind of time there. Recounting shows: Pop - Yoga Lin, CNBLUE, MusicBank, Weibird Wei Li An, Shilla Duty Free Special Concert (really special because it holds some memories in the heart now). Theatre/Musical - Chicago, Detention Katong, 仲夏夜之梦 from Huayi, ITSY, Mamma Mia, Dreamgirls, The Book of Mormon, Les Miserbles, Forbidden City, Mama White Snake. Orchestra - Gustav Dudamel with SSO, Con Brio IV, and worked through many many fantastic concerts with SCO.
3. I got recognised for the work I have done - the bonus on top of the bonus. Haha. That says it. Thankful for all the chances and trust I have had for the 2.5years into the job. Entrusting me with a project so big 2 months into the job was not what I expected. And I sort of started everything else from scratch before the person before just didn't do it. So I started out clueless and there was a very tight deadline. But of course, also with a lot of help and advice from colleagues/conductors. Glad that I changed some of the things the 2nd time doing it, Just need to make it better every time. There was a lack of space, not so conducive environment, but somehow we did it, with many many praises from the participants and lots of rapport made. I'm only going to make it better. But actually, there's only a change in name, and all the other works remains the same. Haha! Honestly, other than some nitty gritty and decision making, I still very much do things on my own. Haha!
Goals for 2018:
Yup, I do not usually set goals for a new year, as the same for the past many many years because I feel that when you have a resolution, you don't have to wait till the new year to start it. It's just an excuse right? But in this year of work, less errors, more space in terms of timeline for things to happen (i hope), and maintain the grade in work (so I get more bonus lah of course).
Be more open to accept people, be less on my own. It's a little hard but I need to get away from this to move on. Ironically, I'm off on my own a few afternoons this month. Oh wells...
For anything else, refer to 三十岁的目标 2013年改版
(Reading that, I actually achieved some of them, and it's time to update it a little).. I will, the next time I'm here. :)
So... roughly this is what he meant, I don't want to quote the entire thing because it's against the rules of the fanclub. He mentioned that we reflect the year, cherish and remember times that are good, forgive but not forget the moments that are unpleasant to us (sounds like preaching but yea, his faith I shall respect). So he said that we can come up with these lists: * Best 3 moments of 2017 * Worst 3 moments of 2017 * Top 3 goals for 2018
I will start with the worst. Honestly, I have come to terms that I don't really want to document bad things that happen to me so I also don't really remember. Haha. That's being positive. Things that are unpleasant usually comes from thoughts and might not have really happened.
The only incident that triggered me this year... that I will not forget, was the musician insisted that his instrument be left on stage just because our crew didn't instruct them to keep their instruments after the rehearsal. And his intention was to allow the crew to spoil it. But the entire thing doesn't make sense. I don't really wish to elaborate further because the incident is so prominent that I will remember it without noting it. (but actually I have because I had to write a report for it)
The only other thing would be that I'm still single. HAHA. Which, to this, I must say that every coin has 2 sides. So while it sounds sad... I am also quite blessed to be happily single (at the moment). Because this allowed me to achieve other things which I will go into later.
Maybe there were other unpleasant things that made me unhappy at that moment, but if I have forgotten about it, it couldn't be too bad then. :)
Now for the best 3 moments:
1. Made a step to travel on my own. Somehow it seems like a big deal at the end of it, having many people tell me that I was brave to do that. But hey, I'm not even going anywhere or doing anything dangerous. It was just a relaxing (not really? looking at my itinerary lol) trip to a place I'm confident that I can do on my own and really be on my own most of the time. In fact, I feel a little uneasy meeting people there than be on my own. Because I was so free most of the time, it tied me down a little when being with someone else, not being able to leave as and when I liked. Haha! To speak the truth, anything that has got to do with 'travel' is always the best thing that happened to me. Other than all the time I had to myself for this trip, I met people with plans or unexpectedly, pushing myself and forcing myself to make decisions and to be disciplined is one of an achievement. I even pushed through all the times I was struggling with then archilles tendon problem. This trip was the best decision I have made the entire year. I loved the other 2 trips all the same - going to UK and Europe for the first time and spending time with my family at my favourite malaysia spot, but this has to be my favourite, in my favouritest country. :)
2. Going to live shows and concerts that I've longed to go. Yup, like I always say, music is so much a huge part of my life I can't live without it anywhere. Again, took a step and attended a pop concert alone, but never regretted the decision even I looked stupid smiling to myself more than half the time during the concert. Lol. Also gave myself more space and exploration going to different productions throughout the year, and also seeing some of my favourite artists. The 4 musicals I saw in UK were one of the best I have ever seen... they are shows I would have gone even if the travel companions didn't want to go with me. Haha. I was really glad we spent that kind of time there. Recounting shows: Pop - Yoga Lin, CNBLUE, MusicBank, Weibird Wei Li An, Shilla Duty Free Special Concert (really special because it holds some memories in the heart now). Theatre/Musical - Chicago, Detention Katong, 仲夏夜之梦 from Huayi, ITSY, Mamma Mia, Dreamgirls, The Book of Mormon, Les Miserbles, Forbidden City, Mama White Snake. Orchestra - Gustav Dudamel with SSO, Con Brio IV, and worked through many many fantastic concerts with SCO.
3. I got recognised for the work I have done - the bonus on top of the bonus. Haha. That says it. Thankful for all the chances and trust I have had for the 2.5years into the job. Entrusting me with a project so big 2 months into the job was not what I expected. And I sort of started everything else from scratch before the person before just didn't do it. So I started out clueless and there was a very tight deadline. But of course, also with a lot of help and advice from colleagues/conductors. Glad that I changed some of the things the 2nd time doing it, Just need to make it better every time. There was a lack of space, not so conducive environment, but somehow we did it, with many many praises from the participants and lots of rapport made. I'm only going to make it better. But actually, there's only a change in name, and all the other works remains the same. Haha! Honestly, other than some nitty gritty and decision making, I still very much do things on my own. Haha!
Goals for 2018:
Yup, I do not usually set goals for a new year, as the same for the past many many years because I feel that when you have a resolution, you don't have to wait till the new year to start it. It's just an excuse right? But in this year of work, less errors, more space in terms of timeline for things to happen (i hope), and maintain the grade in work (so I get more bonus lah of course).
Be more open to accept people, be less on my own. It's a little hard but I need to get away from this to move on. Ironically, I'm off on my own a few afternoons this month. Oh wells...
For anything else, refer to 三十岁的目标 2013年改版
(Reading that, I actually achieved some of them, and it's time to update it a little).. I will, the next time I'm here. :)
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