Somehow, this thought came to me today.
I cleared a little corner of my work station today, when no one told me I should do it. I think this is the rebellious side of me, all along since young. I hate it when I was told I need to practice my violin, and my mother never ever asked me to practice Erhu. Maybe that's why I practiced Erhu more than violin. I really only like to do things when I'm not being forced to. So even I have the urge to practice violin and my mother said I need to practice before I did, I won't even do it anymore.
And example, my mother scold me for being messy, and ask me to do this and do that, depending on what is it, I may or may not do it, if I do, unwillingness is all over my face. But I like to do things in my own pace and I am willing to do that any time when I feel like it. So don't tell me what to do.
And this is also probably the reason I really want to stay on my own in future. I was controlled my entire life, on what I should and shouldn't do. I hate it and it's really something I will to break away from. Recently, I'm also rather worried that this goal will be a little difficult to achieve because of the amount of money I need to save. And just today, I was thinking, how about I get a flat with another single? (who is definitely not my sister) But, what if the person also wants to tell me what to do with my life? I just want to be carefree with no one even asking why do I do something. But money is an issue. :(
Yes, there are plenty of options in life. And choices are always made with a reason or with limitations. It's true, that more assets call for more possibilities and choices, but I'm also a rather reserved person by nature. Happened to read something about this recently. I always say that self-help books are not for me, because even with the advices they provide, if I have had the ability to do it, I would have already done so. Maybe I should really change my opinions a little. I will continue to read on to decide. It's 蔡康永‘s 这是你的人生啊.
Oh well, I'm hoping things will get better. I'm also really trying to save more money. No new clothes is the most important. Also hope I will be able to sell off some of the clutter I have at home. hahaha. And I think I'm really just good with maybe a 3-room flat in future. If I could afford a 4-room it will be good but I doubt so. Looking at how my colleagues got theirs even with their pay range, I think it will be difficult for me to achieve better. Alternatively, I may really consider moving to less mature estate if it is really bad moving forward.
I hope I will have the motivation to do what I should and continue. ◡̈
