This may never be shared publicly on the company profile because l really suck at this. But as I read many of their entries, I do realise how attached I am to the company. If not, I wouldn't have tried so hard.
Honestly, I felt that anyone who is a fan of CO would have dreamt of working in this company before. I learnt of Sco in primary school when our instructors changed and they were all from SCO. I had to beg my mother a few times before I was allowed to attend a SCO concert back then. That was before the current home of SCO - SCH was ready; concerts were held in VCH back then. Obviously I don't remember the programmes anymore but if I see the poster I might have impression that I have attended some of them. That was how I connected with SCO.
With encouragement from my then Erhu teacher - Mr. Low, I joined the SYCO in 2005 and stayed till I had to "graduate" in 2013. From the orchestra, I have met many many likeminded friends, whom not only did we attend more SCO concerts together, we also hang out a lot in a large group before and after rehearsals for dinner or supper, watch movies, organize our own annual EOY chalet.
Aside from the fun, I also experience a whole range of good and challenging repertoire, got the chance to play alongside SCO musicians once a year, and also witnessed how a team worked behind the orchestra to make a concert possible. I knew I wasn't professional musician material but I'm still passionate in the Arts, so I gone to do Arts management instead.
Can't say I excel in the studies, and I'm also not exactly well-liked, and although my interest in another aspect of the Arts industry grew throughout my study, there's still this part of me that wanted to join this company, esp. at the end because I just want to show that I'm capable of doing it when the others didn't believe in me. Took me a few attempts across different job titles and honestly, after a while, I was not that keen anymore because I had tried too many times so I didn't feel like doing it again and again, like shamelessly. I also wanted to try other arts forms, esp. I was enjoying working with band and symphony orchestra at that time too. Fortunately or unfortunately, this final chance came up and it was quite a perfect position. (Maybe half perfect, I have always wanted to do programme, but I also wanted to do artist management). I only got the artist (internal) management part. But I was all grateful as I've been in the company for 6 years, which is the furthest I've come, yet.
“你可不能走哦”，是我听到最安慰的一句话。差一点就要哭了。不管我做了多少麻烦他们的事，多少不好听的话，他们还是希望跟他们一起工作的是我，这就是信任。谢谢他们这几年下来愿意信任我，愿意和我分享事情，愿意跟我抱怨，愿意请我帮他们的忙，愿意带我一起做很多事情。很荣幸，很开心他们不嫌弃我。对我来说，与很多人都是公事，是公事就不会随便，但公事外还是可以是同事。其实我不需要他们喜欢我，我需要的是互相配合，互相尊重，但这些就是靠‘喜欢’换来的。工作上我问心无愧的平等的对待每个人。需要做的就得做，我只能表示同理心。
“同理心”应该是我最好的特质了。不一定一直做的好，但有着同理心总会让人感觉到我的真心。
With this, I also received my best present for the year. I just need to thank everyone for being patient with me. They could have complained about me for everything I did not so well.
What surprised me more was during my appraisal, my boss asked me if I have plans for the years to come, and if I have imagined myself to be a HOD. Never. ever. Because I actually know that I can't lead well. I can't make good decisions on my own, I don't really know how to delegate jobs to other people and I prefer to do many things myself and my way. So I may end up like one of the previous HODs, which I think better not lah hor. Then again, this also led me to think more about what I should and need to do in future, and probably I need to plan for myself as well. This is a scary moment but also an exciting moment because I can now handle things on my own without hindrance (which is also the scary part because I cannot shun away from anything anymore OMG!). I'm more scared than excited definitely. But I hope it will be good. Definitely looking forward to doing more shows, and I also need to pray everyday that things will be fine - I will not be late; musicians will not be late; musicians can fit in their uniform, musicians remember to come to work, etc.
With that, I hope for a better year ahead! ◡̈
