35岁的目标 -- 反思与提醒

 一直都没有忘记35歲的目标, 也在努力地实现它们。

1. 還是存錢，雖然還是沒存到很多。哈哈還是買房子吧。一定要有自己住的地方。
2. 還要做喜歡的事情--現在的工作。
3. 一年至少表演一场。不然全部都会忘掉的，而且真的会懒惰。
4. 去一次美国、意大利、日本、韩国
5. 学一学钢琴／吉他

第一个是一定要达成的，还在努力的存钱中，虽然还是有很多未知数 -- 不知道存的钱够不够，不知道买了房子会不会就要吃草了。不知道如果真的不够应不应该向我爸或我姐开口借。我真的希望可以不用到他们的前去实现这件事。但是，虽然我想好了可以买得到房子的钱，我忘了要装修，要买家具，要买电器的钱。这下完了。我还妄想着要拥有其它的东西 -- 一台黑胶唱机 （也就是说也要花钱买唱片 -- 而且听说中文的唱片一般比较贵）还有，一定要养一只猫。哈哈哈！这几年迷猫这件事是真的。这样的话，虽然说是35岁的目标，我可以再缓一年左右。现在我还有一年半左右到35岁，有一点不太确定到时能不能达到。其实今年算是已经有帮忙到了，因为没法出国的关系，虽然好像还是没有没有很多，但可以省的还是多了一点。

第二个，依然喜欢着现在的工作。很感谢同事们都对我很好，非常非常的欣慰。也感谢今年老板对我的评价好的胜于坏的。虽然觉得音乐总监对我应该没什么影响，也大半时候都没有一起工作，而且评语应该是随便编出来的，但有那么一点我觉得受用了 -- 我可以尝试用不同的方式跟演奏家沟通。嗯，这是对的，也许我应该想一想这一点。没想到我的一小些不经意的关心会带来这些好的评语，有些意外。我可以了解同事的所谓“我们只是同事”，我不需要在工作外跟他有接触。别人也可以用在你身上。其实演奏员只要有意思跟你交往就是一件好事。虽然很多事情我们行政这里不能用“交情”去做，但他们却可以，所以有交情是非常重要的。我也没有非要讨好谁，而且一直都在我可以接受的范围内帮忙或不帮忙。反正我们都是有道理的修正同事的疑问，真的没什么好怕。那如果你要这么公私分明就彻底的公私分明啊。不要总说一套做一套的。又不是说你没有会在工作以外有来往的演奏家同事。真的翻白眼... 说话是大声了，做的呢？虽然得承认，有些事的确是他处理的方式不一样，而且也很好。

第三... 今年真的沒有。明年和以后的几年我都尽量，因为有可能我已经退到不行了。明年看看吧，也希望我还有想要练习的心。呵呵

第四... 本来今年要去的日本，因为疫情没去成。美国和欧洲，也因为疫情，暂时不会想去。有可能这几年如果可以的话，还是在台湾、日本、纽西兰（新西兰）、韩国(?) 这些地方开始吧。也好。

第五个！总算有一个能做的。因为时间允许，所以报了吉他班。学了一些基本的和弦，拨弦，和弹法。还不错。至少能弹出一些东西。还蛮开心的，至少做了一样比较像样的事情。现在基本上工作有多多少少回到轨道，比较忙了，开始有一些周末要上班，就很难学了。幸好在所有工作恢复前，上完了基本课。:) 

接下来，想学的是冲咖啡了。哈哈。最近朋友有想创业的想法，所以更有动力了一些。接下来的两年，继续加油，也希望所有的情况都会好一些 -- 虽然也已经习惯了这样的生活，但每天都戴口罩真的好不ok... 

全世界都加油！

終極三國，我就是愛！

很奇怪，我超喜歡終極三國，也看了不只一次，但是我卻從來沒有紀錄下來過。怎麼找都找不到。

只能說，有些劇情雖然不記得了。有些還是蠻深刻的，而且台詞我都能背起一些了，梗我都會了。看的心境竟然還是一樣的。喜歡大哥假劉備(脩)的穩重、關羽的正直、超的冷笑話，阿香的浪漫和孫權的機車但又心軟的個性。以上只屬本人的看法和喜好。

這次邊看劇時，邊記下了一些感想。

1. 再看一次終極三國

沒想到我會再認真的看一次終極三國。有些感覺還是一樣，有時更感慨。

感慨的是這些人都有能擔心，有想保護的人，也是一種福氣。而我不知道為什麼這樣的感覺會讓我這麼的感慨。就因為我以為我可以放下所有的感情，不再去想，覺得自己可以很好。就算有人問我，我也可以很自信的說我很好，我沒有想過要一個家，一直覺得自己不需要人關心，不需要對任何人交代是一件美好的事情。但我現在連看到角色可以為暗戀的對象做些什麼都覺得可以為人操心是一件很幸福的事。

我，怎麼了？

相愛的人，讓人羨慕。心繫在一起的，有心靈感應的，更讓人羨慕。脩和阿香便是。他們能感應到彼此就在附近，雖然演戲是假的，但有一種莫名的感動。

唉... 看戲真的是我的弱點。

此時此刻的我，在哭。哭得有一點點慘。但是具體在哭什麼，我也說不清楚。唉...

2. 终极三国继续逼哭我

没想到从真刘备回来了再走开始，喜剧就朝着悲剧的方向发展了。突然想起，后面几集我以前也哭得超惨的。也就是说后半段的戏都是有哭点的戏，我的无聊喜剧到底在哪里啦！😤

看哭戏真的很烦讷！现在眼睛超痛。💢🤬真的超不爽。剩下最后5集了。有点不舍得看完......

3. 完结

一不小心就还是把最后几集一次过看完了。

还是好感动，好感动。有出生入死的兄弟真好。五虎将对大哥的支持和力挺是最让人感动的。我可以理解时间过的太久，他们都忘了还有真刘备这个人。而且，刘备掩饰得相当的好，只是，真心是不会说谎的。看他是真刘备的样子的时候还真想打他。野心和奸诈都写在脸上。假刘备脩却真的是以多方面思考，会考虑所有人。而他最难的却是做自己，真心佩服。

有爱情真好。阿香和脩最让人羡慕。从各个时候，信任、感应、心灵上、到后面的牺牲和冒险，你有愿意让你这样做的人吗？

有哥哥真好。就算再讨厌，也只有自己能欺负，别人都不许的感觉，真好。

就是看到自己没有的，才会觉得好吧......

不知不觉又把53集的终极三国看完了多一遍。很多时候很瞎，但也让人学到了很多。我觉得，我很有可能会再看过，因为真的太喜欢了。只是... 我现在需要冰敷眼睛睡觉了。😅

#如此如此这般这般 #大吃一斤 #不翼而飞 #九九乘法表 #好说好说 #说曹操曹操就到 #大哥说的一定是对的 #我相信大哥 #好氣好氣找個人來消消氣 #舉腳 #勾勾腳

真的，很白癡的內容真的很多，但都是我喜歡的調調。上數學課和中文課是我最喜歡的，怎麼會這麼好笑。喔，不對，是他們平時在說中文和突然的需要算數的時候都是。💧✨🌬😎😈👩‍❤️‍👨🐓💢❗️❓💬 還有這些最常出現的表情特效，就是很粗劣的特效但是還是有效就對了。笑話也真的就是我喜歡的類型。呵呵

雖然後面真的哭得太多了，總體來說還是好笑的。尤其諸葛亮和孫權出來後還蠻有笑點的。還是那句話，就是太喜歡了。喜歡到有很長的一段時間我口裡說的都是終極三國。呵呵。現在又來了。二姐已經受不了我，說我竟然還可以再看完整部劇。53集真的不短，而且我不是第一次把它看完。😅

到最後，我也許就是希望我有個像脩的男朋友，和孫權的哥哥。所以... 我想當的是孫尚香吧？呵呵。貂嬋太軟弱、小喬太混亂、大喬太兇，還是孫尚香好了。關羽太直、呂布不懂愛、雲和忠對我來說不特別、飛就是屁孩，超是我覺得帥的，但是有時太瞎。還是大哥好了，雖然大哥是最矮的。但其實孫權為男朋友也不錯，也長得帥。繼續做夢了。謝謝。

20 years? And I guess not counting.

Thinking about it. How long has it been since the last I ever blogged about this group of friends as a whole, on something happy and worth saying. I've stopped, because I feel meaningless doing it after all these years of trying. 

We have known each other for 20 years. We probably hang out more after we got into the same class and I believed some of them might have felt obliged to be part of this group even if they have never wanted to be. And honestly, we didn't want to leave out anyone. 

If I have to recall all the things we have done, it wasn't smooth from the start. Probably ever since we left sec school. But same thing, feeling obliged because we started out together. Yes, we met a lot, with or without everyone. We did a lot of things together. But I'm not sure if it was because all of us were just coincidentally free or it was purely a choice of priority. If it was the priority, then what changed us? 

After trying so many years, eventually I got tired as well. It's hard to forge friendship, but it is also harder to keep it. It is really because I'm not doing enough? I spent 3 days 3 nights to make them handmade gifts for christmas. I didn't even make it for anyone else. I did until my back was stiff, my thighs were sore from sitting on the stool for too long and my thumb was numb from all the double-sided tape peeling. And yet, after the day it got given out, no one ever mentioned it again. And also sadly, some people inside have broken up. I have never in my life did so much for my friends, although I felt nervous and happy at that time, after that I really felt a little unappreciated. 

Nonetheless, I did another handmade gift for them the following year. I spent a lot of time on this because I didn't know if it will be successful or not and it will take a few days to get the results, meaning if it fails I have to try again. So I had to test it out way ahead. Spent many nights and a few shopping trips trying to figure things out. Succeeded in the end and I was actually quite pleased with the end product. And they were the only people I did for. But of course, same thing. I was excited to show it but other than the besties, the rest are like, probably didn't know what to do with it. I have never seen them as well. 

相遇難... 可相知相惜更難。

I can never get my priorities right, can I? I mean, just by reading back my posts, I had so much frustration with this group of friends. And now it's either they are not interested, not free and simply doesn't reply at all. Of course, not all of us may have been there with each of us when we went through things. It's a choice isn't it. When I sense some things and tried to reach out, some didn't take my hand either. I'm also saying this because when I reacted to their stuff on social media, I got 0 respond like I was a stranger. What to do leh? So honestly, it's really like we sort of lost contact. And after I have stopped asking for meet-ups, no one ever asked as well. Maybe not just me, but probably just max. 3 of us, the rest have never ever initiated a meet-up before. So it was all along a 'ok, by the way I'm free' kind of thing, and now obviously more are less free so cannot be bothered also. 

I get it. Who says friends that you know in sec school are friends that will stick together forever? Without everyone's effort, how is it going to even continue? We have been through so much together in sec sch, not just studying in the same class, even in the same cca, some of us see each other 7 days a week, knew some of each other's secrets back then. But so what? Anyone could be easily replaced. I am not exactly sad about this? Just a little disappointed, like I always said. 

I even set up a blog for us before. Did everything right down to coding the page with blogskin that was designed by me. But, no one cares. Ok, probably the same 3 or 4 people did. 

點點滴滴的確很難記得，畢竟大家生活的方向不同，生活方式不同。但我不明白的是，當我想要接觸你的時候，沒有得到任何的回應。是不想嗎？是我的問題嗎？I even tried to reconnect recently because I got some nostalgic photos we took in sec school. But the response was so cold I cannot even continue. 

In the past I always saved my time for them during important occasions, I always put meeting with them as priority, including cny, christmas, national day, birthdays, countdown even. But slowly, the cold responses never failed to make me disappointed but time after time I still made them the priority, till we do not meet anymore because I got tired of asking. Maybe my expectation was too high each time. And I guess the importance of each other is measured differently, esp. as time goes by. So much so that I don't feel like they are my priority anymore as well. And that's also why we had so many small groups branching from there because most of the times only the few will be interested. And then lesser, and lesser, to the point, even I have no idea now. The last time we all met for such occasion was 1 Jan (I think), 2 years ago. The rest are like thanks to one of us having baby, which I unfortunately really couldn't attend the full month and first birthday. I guess we are just not worth each other's time, most of the time. Not sure what the rest thinks, some probably wants to reconnect only if asked. What's left in the group chat is really just birthday wishes mostly. 

I'm also not saying that I'm the only person who put in effort for this friendship. I really don't know what the others think about this. Still, overall, it's quite sad. I know, most of us are introvert, I'm probably the most extroverted introvert (when I'm being forced to), does that justify? I'm also not trying to victimise myself to say that I did all the work or whatever, recently someone else also asked the smaller group if want to go hiking together, but you see, people only replied when they are being pointed out. And still, at the end of the day, someone didn't reply at all, although she is considered the closer one. But who knows, people change. Ok, I'm not putting in enough effort. So I also don't have many friends. 

I'm introvert, there's only so much I can do. And I really hate 热脸贴冷屁股... Faced it so much that I got enough. oh wells. 

可惜吗？也许吧。但是，如果你心中的那些人不在乎，那你怎么在乎都没有用。只觉得可惜是我自认为我们以前还蛮好的。或许也是我没有放太多心思在他们身上吧。

It's been 10 years, my friend.

This post has to be today. 30 Aug 2020. 

I know, it was really a bad idea to revisit memories in the middle of the night. I did it anyway, and emotions just filled my entire body after watching the videos again. To be honest, most of us may have already forgotten about this, ok I'll just speak for myself. It wasn't until the memories of this day on FB that the memories started flooding back at me. but well. see this page for the post. Bye Joel Tan

I can only say that it's really easy for human to forget something and pick up a new habit. We probably only really skyped in the first year he left. And after that it was just birthday wishes and of course, that died down as well. The last we had a short exchange was his birthday last year. And that marks 15 years from when we met. That was crazy, and now he's already been away to Toronto for 10 years and I don't even know what he is doing anymore. And, when the sy people are together (which is also quite non-existent), no one talked about him anymore. It's just a little disheartening to know that this is exactly how humans work. You built up this relation because of work, the things you do together daily - if not often enough. And then when you move on to something else, it's just hard to keep maintaining every single relation you have forged. 

It's true, at the end, we move on with our lives. I'm even close to most of them now. I don't even remember how he sounded like and do not know if he sound the same now. So I happen to scroll through his fb to see if there were any traces of past friendship - none. Except for yvonne writing him birthday wishes once 3 years ago. And that's it. But I also came across a podcast he was working with his schoolmates, so I listened to the part he spoken in. The voice is so foreign, I wouldn't have recognised it if it wasn't for the fake that he introduced himself. Just felt a little mind blown and a little sad. That's all. 

I mean I still remember this friend, I'm quite sure he still remembers us all and will any time welcome us to visit him. Yup, 10 years have passed and none of us visited Toronto, neither did he come back at all, he wasn't intending to anyway. But still, I kind of miss this friend, especially when I was reminded how much fun and how much crazy things we did together in the past. I really love him as a friend, if I could, I would even love him as a person (kidding) all these years because he is worth it. And actually, I really want to plan to visit him when I can. I still have the hope to see him and to reconnect again some day. 

Not saying that anyone is at fault or it is unique to this case, but that's exactly how people are now. 

How often do you tell friends/colleagues/people who are leaving your daily life 'Hey, let's keep in touch!', or 'Hey, let's meet up soon!' Maybe I was being naive all the while, but I would really take these words to heart and I would think that someone who said it, mean it. I don't remember when was the last time I said something along this line, because I know I may not do it anyway, so I don't say it. Only to come to disappointment of course. Don't use these words so easily, just don't. I'm mindful of using them because I know how it felt to have people telling me these but I have never met them since. And I really understand how people come and go in my life, so really no hard feelings, and don't have to be politically correct.

You may say that I can make the first move. Right! I could. But I actually also couldn't, I'm an extroverted introvert. Taking the initiative is not quite my thing unless necessary. Maybe because they are not that important to me too afterall, as much as I'm also not that important to them. To think about it, these are really usually said by outgoing people. And they probably don't mind people telling them the same but don't do it. Maybe it's also just me. Nevermind.

Oh well, I also understand that's why I have lesser and lesser friends now. Like look at this period. Without work on weekends and weekday nights, I'm almost home all day. I'm like the freest person around and I don't even really have the urge to go out with anyone. But I'll be ready to accept any invitation to go out. There isn't many, and sometimes, I'm also slightly reluctant. Anyway, I also tried, and failed a few times. In the end, I went on my own. Also, I've made moves so many times, but I'm just, ignored and still the same. 

All right... it's just me! No hard feelings at all. 

I still miss you Joel. (every now and then hehe)

Dramas (I wished I hadn't)

Sometimes I really wonder if it's really a good idea to watch dramas.

I get so absorbed into the characters and the actors in real life. So I'm always into looking for info about them, of course, can't wait to know more synopsis of the drama first. And if I find someone I'm attracted to, I will start looking up for shows he or she (usually he) acted in. That's how it works I guess. The difficult part is really withdrawing from the characters I like. And I think every single time I wished someone like that would appear in my life, only to realise how miserable my life has been and still is. That's probably why I also stopped for a period of time. Without new inputs, I just occasionally think about some characters I liked in the past, but with new ones it was really difficult to not think about it. 

The last time I'm into watching Korean drama was 2018, whereby somehow I watched a few, mostly because of the cast - someone I really like, eg. Lee Minho, Jung Yonghwa, Park Shinhye, Lee Bo-yong, Ji Chang-wook, and sometimes other members of cnblue. So I usually pick on actors rather than story or ratings. Even so, there were quite a number I didn't watch. And hence, I seldom watch the most popular shows unless they coincide - the actor and ratings. But, I also expanded the list of likes. 

Busy work life have made it also rather difficult for me to catch up with all the drama going on. I don't really have a TV to watch at home (I still don't except for late into the nights, like now). Being a rather emotional person, it was impossible to watch anything outside home. Tried and tested so many times. Whenever I find something new that I can't wait to watch, I never go past 1 episode on the bus, in the office, or wherever else I was. Then I was reminded why I hadn't do that for a long time. I always wonder how other people do it. I really only could do variety shows like Runningman on the go. Even so, I haven't watched Runningman for probably 2 years before I start catching up again since Apr this year.

Fortunately or unfortunately, the pandemic have allowed me more time at home, and caught up with a few recent (mostly) dramas. Also, succumbed to online subscriptions because after all, I only have the choice of watching shows online, and I was tempted by colleagues on recent shows. I finally started in May and I really just jumped into watching them. 

Surprisingly, I've finished watching a few, on and off a few after some breaks in between.

1. Hospital Playlist
The show I immediately jumped into. It was really nice, heartwarming and funny most of the time. Love the chemistry between the actors and how the show was presented. I was rather crazy over the show I would say. So much so, I really finished it within like 2 weeks, while also working and caught up to the latest episode before it was first aired. And ended up discussing the show with many people - and had a group chat changed the group name to include the drama. Subsequently, produced a cover video for one the songs in the drama. Yup, that was how crazy we were. I wouldn't mind watching the show again, and of course, waiting for the next season to come out. I just love all the cast and their stories so much! 

2. Prison Playbook

Following the above, colleague also suggested I watch this one as they were under the same production team. Indeed, I love the show. Of course, I also finished it quite fast, by binge watching at night only. Love the humour and the same actor from Hospital Playlist - Jung Kyung-ho. He has this comical element in him in both shows that makes him so adorable. My fav actor in both shows. 

3. Sweet Munchies

Watched this because of actor Jung Il-woo, took serious notice of him only in Cinderella and the Four Knights (which was probably the last korean drama I blogged about, that was in 2017, and back then I watched because of Lee Jungshin). It turned out to be rather funny, thought provoking and educational. Ok, not exactly but it was still nice. He became a gay chef on a TV programme because he was desperate for money, and wanted to quit after the pilot episode but things got bigger it became a regular. Things became more complicated as he developed feelings for the female lead and the second male lead developed feelings for him. It was so obvious he does but I think as a straight guy, he just didn't notice it, until he expressed his affection for him. Throughout the show my OS was really: 'it is so obvious', he's really not hiding it real well. Then again, no one else in the show noticed as well. Fine.

4. The King

Of course, because of Lee Minho, my number 1. But, there was no strong desire to continue although he is really handsome in the show. I think it's because of the storyline, not exactly captivating. The only captivating element is Lee Minho himself. Most of the reviews were negative on the show as a whole, and also on his acting. To me, I don't really care. I'm just biased towards him. But true to discussion with colleague, they always portray him as 高富帅 (which are all true), and that's why it loses the xfactor sometimes because that's all he is. Nothing changed and hence people don't buy it. 

5. Was It Love (ongoing)

I watched it because of Song Jihyo. Slightly surprised by the story and her character, but she really has the charm. Contrary to popular believes, I really like the male lead - Son Ho-jun, even though he is the shortest amongst the 4 main male characters. But I really like his role, and how he did it. A little childish, but still cares and goes all out. (I realised this is what I like in guys, in all the shows I watched). And I don't think he is less handsome than the others. (I'm saying this because I saw some comments while searching on the drama info). He was also compared to the other 3 in the drama - that he is the shortest and the least handsome. True for the first but not true to the second. The worse suspend in the show is I can't wait to find out who is the father of Song Jihyo's daughter. The drama hasn't ended yet so I couldn't find any answer. We will soon find out! 6 episodes in 3 days. I slowed down a little since the final episode will be next week.

6. Backstreet Rookie 

Of course, I wanted to watch this because of Ji Chang-wook. However, it is only aired on TV, and did I already mentioned about watching the TV at home? So I saw 2 episodes on one of those days I was on leave and the TV was free in the day, and that was it. I haven't catch up with the rest after that. I will!

7. Running Man

Not drama but I finally decided to start watching runningman again. 10years into their making and honestly, even though the format now is totally different from what they started out with, the show is still funny! I guess it's not just song but also the singer(s). I really have to applaud most of them, even the youngest(s) in the group are 34yo this year. It is amazing how they could still do this, esp. when the oldest is like 54yo? And so, I have successfully caught up with the latest episode this year, and going back to what I missed out from last year backwards.

Other than all these, the only other drama I binge watched was 我们与恶的距离, because of 贾静雯 and 曾沛慈. But I was totally surprised by the entire work. Evoked so much emotions with reality of life, emotions overtaking rational thoughts, mental illness, work ethics (media mainly, a little of law) and how the netizens and general views on social problems actually enlarge them more than what they should be. That was really one show the emotions took over me so much that I had to pause the show several times to calm myself down and catch my breathe from all the crying before continuing. And yet, I just couldn't stop watching it. Every character was so well-crafted I can't even decide who was better. There were only 10 episode, but I cried so badly for most of the episodes, late into the night and had swollen eyes the next day.

Where will I go from here, I have no idea. Sometimes the fire or desire to watch dramas just rise and die suddenly I don't know when will it happen again. Meanwhile, I'm somehow hoping this peaceful period continue to last a little longer. It will be good while it lasted (only because I still have a job). 

For the rest, I hope it will be over soon. 

我的太空人一号

“太空人已连接”

是我这几个月最喜欢听到的话。他让我什么时候都想用一用耳机。（虽然本来就常用）

今天（25.7.2020) 我的太空人竟然不见了。。。

完全在伤心中... 只是... 又能怎么样呢？能做的我已经做了。只能怪自己真的太粗心。后悔也没有。早知道也没用。

It felt like I never had any affinity with earphones/earpieces. Oh man... I lost quite a few of them and spoil a few as well, within like the 1 - 2 years? Or all along. I remember I had this rather cute doraemon one, and I only used it for a while before it got caught onto something while I was walking and poof! the cord snapped and that was the end of it. 

The jays earpiece. Put one into the washer after say a year? And lost the 2nd one after a month, unknowingly. I still have the 3rd one though. But let's not jinx it. 

And so, I'm still going to get my 2nd pair of the 太空人 because, I need that Qingfeng voice. 

而且，他们售后服务真的蛮不错的。既然钱都要花的，就花在我喜欢的吧。他说会给我打折，希望会有。其实就算没有，我还是会买的。只是可能会在迟疑一下下。没想到马上就下单了，这应该是他们的行销手法吧。哈哈。遇到这种事，总会买账的吧。以后小心一点就是了。

以自己的声音宣布 - “太空人已失联”

准备迎接太空人二号。

Someone else's birthday altogether

COVID brought out a lot of creativity in most of us. It started of cos, by seeing others doing it. And I really want to send something to my best friend for many years during her birthday since we couldn't meet. I wanted to do it myself but I decided to get the others to do it with me cos I know they will. It was a success but she could have opened the door earlier. Hahaha!

And then we all still couldn't meet, and thankful fav bakery is opened so I could send love to Minhui and Rachel. Rainbow cake for both of them, but Minhui's topped with soju and beer! I'm happy to do it anyway. Could have done better for Rachel if I had asked earlier so that I could get the purple ombre cake. Still, colourful cake worked well for the kids too!

So anyway, I tried not be boring since we have opened up a little more by July. And then proceed to screw it up. HAHA.

Surprise visit to Boyi for his birthday, ended up texting in the wrong group chat at the very last minute just before we parked in their condo. It was a really facepalm moment, and the worse was when lixian replied. I really almost killed myself. Maybe the rest also wanted to kill me HAHAHA (and lixian) I don't know who is worst. What to do when you have such a smart friend. Epic moment also, when we were outside the place and trying to light the candle but couldn't do it with the lighter gun which gives out very loud clicks. Luckily he wasn't in the living room, but still.... he already knew about it... Boohoo! But glad that we managed to gather for a while, a pity only 5 can visit but we maximise it anyway. It was fun though and I hope it's memorable for birthday boy (30 already). 

Things are getting back to normal mostly and I know that such things are hard to plan from then without being exposed. It is fun while it lasted. :) 

Let's see what we can do for the rest for their 30th birthday. :)

Birthday V.33

June passed by so quickly, not sure was it because I was on leave most of the days so time really passes in a blink (sleep in my case). 

Let's just recap a little on the birthday. Despite the many things we couldn't do this year, really thankful for friends who put me into their thoughts. I really didn't expect most of the love I received on that day. Not sure what I have done in my life to deserve all these people. I was touched by every single one of them because nobody sent me anything I didn't like on my birthday. I can't even put it out like what I'd prefer from what I received. But steamboat was definitely the most amazing. Because it fed all of us, including my erjie and bil. Thankful too that they were allowed to come over then. There there were cupcakes, taiwan food, bbt, cakes and ice-cream! I've been contemplating ice-cream for the longest because there's not space in the freezer most of the time but le mother couldn't complain when it's from someone else. And pretty long lasting dried/fake flowers too! It was just.. pure amazing that things happened this way. I was so well taken care of the entire day that some of the things doesn't matter anymore. And wow, this is probably the only year that we are able to do things like that. 

Not much feelings towards the birthday, but I felt blessed even during a period like that. Friends who gave selflessly. We couldn't meet so I won't mind if we can't celebrate. They sent me things that they couldn't enjoy with me. Just by the thought of spending that sort of money and time to think of what to send me is already something I couldn't ask for more. It is definitely a different birthday after all. 

With Taiwan food (my fav 卤肉饭 and Meesua and BBT!!!) from the syco大人s who thought that I'll be sad not being able to be in Taipei "my homeland" during my birthday, so they gave me a pseudo taiwan trip. They even got to my sister to plan it so that I will not get lunch. The thought of it is just... I'm so touched! (although I got confused as I thought sis ordered lunch but didn't know that the lunch is from them)

I got ice-cream from SSS (sushi, siyih & sylvia), from gelatissimo and got another pint of ice-cream from joanna. Ice-cream is always on my mind. hahaha

I got cupcakes from qin and my hospital playlist girls (Minhui, von and Shihui). There were too many so erjie took some. But the ice-bear ones were pretty! 

I got colourful mermaid drink and cheesecake from le colleague QW. Delivery person didn't give me the receipt nor told me who is it. So had to do a shoutout on IG. WHICH... also happened exactly the same on his bday! HAHA It's so funny!

Got a bottle of jap wine from Ting-Yu. Can't wait to try it! Yup, I haven't. But I will. After which.. a few days later, Fontane also gave me a soju (peach) and a pack of korean snack so that I can experience Korea at home! HAHA my friends know me well. 

And the SHE girls are the ultimate! To send me some very pretty dried flowers and then the steamboat. The flowers came first so I really had no expectations that the steamboat followed. They went to the extend to use MW's sis to msg me on whatsapp so I can't suspect anyone. Indeed, I had tried to guess for the first few days and then I gave up. They were one of the possibility but there was no way I could find out. 

And yup, my sister came with a cake! Nice yummy really rich chocolate cake from all time fav Lynda Ann's. We finished that in one seating. Nothing was left. Also another blessing in disguise since I haven't been able to celebrate my birthday with the family on the actual day for many years (for several reasons). So this also gave us this chance to be together on this day! And it's also thanks to the steamboat! 

Except for good memories for the day. 

I actually also spent most of the day doing nothing and then filming for the hospital playlist video. And then coincidentally, a few things I bought also came on that day. So all in all, fulfilling day! LOL!

1206 Past Year Events

With CB also comes slightly more time on my own, means slightly more time to blog as well.

The month of June had always been exciting yet scary for me, ever since I don't know when. I'm not sure if the other June babies actually feel the same as me. But I remember feeling rather sad in school because no one really cares about June (and end Nov/Dec babies) because it's school holidays. And hence, no one really remembers or will celebrate with me. So far in my entire school life, I only celebrated birthday once in my school - Nursery at 4yo! And that's it. (Although there were some occasions my few friends do meet up with me to celebrate, I can talk about that later)

And as far as I remembered, only had 1 formal celebration ever, at 21yo. And that's all. I do understand that birthdays mean a lot for many, having parties and all. It was always a dilemma to me. I want people to care and celebrate for me, but I do not like the attention. You know the struggle? I'm not one of those who could take intimacy and compliments comfortably. I get uneasy and nervous when something like that happens. So I am also not the sort that will tell people that 'Hey, my birthday is coming up soon, shall we plan something? Or can we go somewhere?'

In the nearer years (maybe to what this blog can remember), I feel that I am sort of running away from my birthday whenever I could. Running away meaning to not allow people to ask me out. But actually, not many people ask me out on my birthday also, so I'd rather run away and pretend that all these couldn't happen. Many of my friends will probably classify me as extrovert - judging from how talkative I can be when I'm with them. Yup, only happens when we are in a group and probably when someone started the ball rolling. So, I have heard friends saying they would think I am always busy meeting people (sometimes true) and I most probably won't be free on my birthday, and so... I always end up without any dates on the actual day. Slightly sad. So I secretly plan quite a number of trips during my birthday. If not, I'd be going to work since no one date me out and my parents don't really care it's my birthday (I don't think they remember the date, tested and proven). And honestly, I never ever request or expect my friends to celebrate with me when we are on the trip, because to me it's good enough that I have company for the day.

Let's recall...

2019: Planned a trip to Taiwan with one of the closest group of friends - the syco大人s (most of them) - Van, Rach (&Ronnie), Boyi, Coconuts and Lixian. They did make the effort to get cakes without me realising. I really didn't suspect anything. Flew on the day of my bday. Also, delighted to receive a birthday greeting from the custom officer checking passports just after passing through the automated machines. Really made my day!

2018: Went to work on actual day. Had lunch with colleague at the now-closed Dulcet & Studio cafe at V Shenton. And had a pandan cake for celebration. Ramadan market after work and late night steamboat at Beauty in The Pot at the then ONEKM Mall (now KINEX) with Minhui and Ruching before getting home to get ready for a morning flight next day. And I was so full so I only ate 1 of the mini cupcakes from the entire tray and left the rest for the family. So I went to Myanmar with Sylvia, Sushi and Siyih accommodating to each other's schedule so the trip was rather short. But enjoyable, and I also didn't suspect a single thing when my friend here arranged with the hotel (one of her company group's hotel) to throw me a small party. I was really really really awkward I didn't know what I was supposed to do except to keep saying thank you.

2017: Actual day was in the midst of the trip of my life (for now) - London, Brussels and Paris. We arranged to go to Harry Potter Studio on that day. Experience of a lifetime right? No, I didn't tell the park it was my birthday so I didn't push the door open. I was too chicken to do it. HAHA. But I was glad the day passed peacefully, mostly in silence too. Nonetheless, I got tonnes and tonnes of love from my friends and colleagues. Colleagues recorded a birthday song for me with a cake (cake for colleague whose birthday also on the same day)! And flowers from the Royal Family although I never see it IRL, it withered before I returned from the trip.

2016: Friends asked me out! Woohoo! Marina Barrage with a few friends and thankful for them.. Siyih, Sylvia and Ling. :) I would have stayed at home if not for them.

2015: Went to work because... First month at work. But had enough cakes for the day. Lunch with Huilin and Rebecca and they got me a cake after lunch. Met my sister for Kit Chan's concert at night, she also got me cakes too!

2014: My most miserable year by far. Didn't have a job, running out of savings too. It was so bad. And I literally spent the day alone after having lunch with my dad. I guess he didn't even realised it was my birthday. I wanted to spend it with my parents but my mum went out, I guess she didn't remember as well. Although if you look at my instagram or the post of that year's birthday, there seems to be a lot of things going on in the month, but most of them were deemed part of my birthday because I made them. It wasn't exactly true that they were birthday celebrations. Anyway, on the actual day. I went to cycle on my own, because I can't spend too much money and I just needed to be alone since no one asked. I think that was the period I cried the most, but still appear to be happy most of the time.

2013: Taiwan! It's funny but I also flew to Taiwan on the actual day. With 1 friend - Sushi. Although I was ready to do a solo trip then, but it was good to have a companion since I wasn't soooo familiar with Taipei then. She treated me to Ding Tai Fung. I was happy enough to be able to go for that trip because I get to see Sodagreen's concert.

2012: Didn't blog about this year's birthday. I think I met the usual friends - Ling for lunch and then with the others - probably Yih, Sylvia and Sushi for dinner and movie? Maybe or maybe just dinner.

2011: Actual day in the midst of my Australia trip with Ling, Sylvia and Horng. They braved the cold at midnight to try to get me a cake while I was bathing. I was super touched. And we went on for good food all day long - Sydney Fish Market and also met my cousin and his then still girlfriend (now wife) for dinner and desserts. Really grateful for friends like them.

2010: Had a buffet lunch with the family and then watched an SCO concert. I think I met the rest of the sy people for dinner and they celebrated for me before we went to the concert.

2009: I was working (also new to the job so no leave) and watched an SCO concert at night. HAHA!

2008: It was my 21st Birthday. Nothing really happened on the actual day although we bumped in to the chalet, it was a weekday. According to blog, we went to kbox. HAHA! And I just played Wii with erjie and royston korkor. Although the weekend was really eventful. Thinking back, erjie was the one who asked if I wanted to celebrate my birthday in a chalet. Thankful, I remember how it sounded like when everyone sang birthday song for me. Really awkward but really wanted to cry because the reverb is just so amazing.

2007: One of the most ridiculous year. I went to queue 3hours for donut factory with a classmate - caiwen. We went out but didn't know what to do so we just joined the queue where we just sat down to talk while queuing. And I had dinner with family

2006: Worked at Samsonite and met the family for dinner at Kuishin Bo (Closed down liao! Due to CB) Ok, not exactly, they weren't doing well in recent years and standard really drop a lot. Or maybe consumers are more picky with more choices.

That's how far this blog goes, so I will stop here. I mean... looking at all these, and you wonder if I really don't care about my birthday? Then why do I blog about my birthday every single year. Oh well, just to keep a record of what happened, whether exciting or not.

Well... This year I don't have a choice but it will probably be good to just rot the day away at home. Took leave and I have the entire weekend to do it. It will be good I think.

IT'S COMING! I AM FREAKING NERVOUS AND IDK WHY! I just want it to pass but I'm scared of surprises, I really am. Of course, there are some things that I wish for, but I know it won't be coming true. Just that, I will be faced with disappointment again even though I already anticipated it. I'm a confused person. HAHA Just don't mind me.

*Anyway no one reads this anymore. It's just reminder for myself.

Rocky Road to Work Life Story

11 years since I graduated in May... and 10 years since I started working (full-time mostly), also in May. It took me almost a year to get a full time job, and hence 10years.

Nonetheless, it was still a bumpy road from there. So I haven't actually worked for 10 years' in terms of actual work. In fact, in between I had really long breaks, till the point I was really scared. And those breaks were like what I'm doing now - Staying home most of the time.

And not all was good with the first few jobs.

Since May 2010, My first full time job was at CFA which lasted a year, second full time job was at DYMC which also lasted year, third one was around 1year8months in AEB. And this is my fourth full time job for 5 years now. so as you can tell, the numbers just don't add up. I worked for about 8years8months and the remaining 1year4months, I'm either not working, or working as a temp.

Anyway, from the very beginning I was really set to get a job in the arts. Either it really wasn't easy, or I was really not cut out for the jobs, there was also a limit to the job title I was interested in. Anyway... the first year after graduated passed by as I did 1 month (or so, max 2 months) temp at CFA, 3 - 4 months temp at SCO Marketing that ended on 31 Dec 2009. And was jobless all the way till I went back to CFA for the same position again (contract this time) in May 2010.

So, that was the first official job, not well paid - diploma starting pay 1.6k, take home around 1.2k. It was considered a full-time job as it came with all the remuneration package, which actually was quite good. At least food in nus is cheap and quite good. Lasted for 1 year, though they said because I could do better elsewhere and didn't want to keep me there with that little amount and the amount of work, I think they felt that I under performed because they didn't even ask me if I was ok on the job and if I wanted to continue. I was quite sure they told me during the decision meeting that the workload wasn't enough for my position so there was also no point, and if I didn't remember wrongly, 不要耽误我。However, I knew that they hired someone before I left although that person only came after I left. A poly grad I think. I was hit quite badly, I acknowledged that I haven't done enough, but really there wasn't much to do at many instances. Maybe it was my problem after all, so never mind.

Obviously I wasn't prepared to leave the job so I didn't think so much and didn't have a lot of time to react. I even booked a long trip in June. So after that first job, I didn't work for 3 months until I was approached for the second job. There was a lot of struggle because the company couldn't pay a normal salary. But I was also desperate so I started in Aug 2011 and I was paid 1.2k for 4-day work week. And I actually agreed. I wasn't doing well in the second job, maybe I was really just incompetent, although there were many things lacking in the company. There were fun times, but mostly, it was bad and I had to endure the 'you are the only one paid in this company' throughout the year even though they know it's peanuts. It was also a year's contract they offered in the beginning, they decided to re-contract although they were not satisfied with my performance. Thinking back, I never left anything undone, but I didn't value add to the company as well because I tried a few times and was brushed off, so eventually I stopped and of course just spent time doing nothing in the office and do only as I was told. But that is being non-initiative. Whatever. Anyway, I was lucky to be able to find the third job so I quit and went over to AEB, almost immediately in Aug 2012.

It's the time I thought I was the most fortunate. A total change of environment and not needing to deal with the same people again. At that time I was really happy because all the colleagues were super nice, and though there were some difficulty in working with some of the band and orchestra instructors, I was quite mature in work by then and could handle most of them. It was a refreshing idea for me. Sad was when the contract ended when the programme came to a close with no renewal, and I had the hardest time ever. I went to an interview at sco in between but I wasn't chosen.

I went on 3 months without any income, after the first month, I was struggling to keep up with myself and my other friends. Because there were also other friends who quit their job at that period of time, we spent some time together, but after that they all moved to their next destination and I didn't have anywhere to go. And that made me even sadder. Eventually, I was thankful to receive help from AEB to let me return as a temp staff in End June, but I was not earning much because of the very supportive job scope they couldn't pay me better. I really had the hardest time from end Mar till end Sep because there is the sudden cut of income, and that's 6 months with no income for three or very little income for the other three. Previous times were not as bad because the income wasn't that much anyway. So I was really living in misery and I cried a lot in this period.

It was only in Oct 2014 that I was transfered to the other department with more responsibility and there I was paid like a normal person, in fact, better than when I was working full time contract for them just that I was paid daily instead of monthly, meaning no work, no pay. Although I met other fun and interesting temp staff there, I wasn't happy that entire period of time. I was doing all paper work and back back end support for SG50 projects related to MOE, it was interesting because there were many many different projects, like I met a lot of people, get excited about their project and they were all thankful of what we were doing. Somehow it really wasn't what I wanted. And I really was struggling because I was also looking for full-time job at the same time but I didn't get selected for any. Went for a few interviews but none were successful, which is also the same case for the period after my first job. That was also the period of time I spent a lot of alone time, because I was upset most of the time but I didn't want to tell any of my friends. And not many friends ask me out on weekends. I spend a lot of Fridays on my own, eating at a quiet place and walking home sometimes on my own. I wasn't close to anyone during that period.

So for the empty periods, I didn't feel good the first time round but the second time was really worse because it is happened again, even after I had a few years of working experience. It is not normal and everyone knows that you have to have some explanation for this empty period. Because employers will definitely ask.

Going for sco's interview in Apr 2015 and eventually starting in May 2015 was the best thing that happened to me in that 2 years. I was in despair, but luckily I didn't give up. And actually I wasn't looking for a job that time because I was supposed to do SG50 till end 2015. I was actually told by a friend to submit my resume quite near to the closing date because I didn't know they were hiring but my now boss had my friend to pass me the message. I went for it, despite knowing that it was an entry-level job. I was obviously over-qualified for the job but I was really determined to get it. I still remember the thrill and the butterfly in me when my now boss called to offer me the job. My hands and my voice was trembling with excitement because I couldn't believe that it's finally happening to me - the only good thing happened to me the entire year. And here I am, still in the job. Gotten better in between.

One thing: self-reminder how hard it was for me to get here and only with that I will continue to work harder. 10 years of working and on!

5 Years - Only I care but I really do

5 years

It may not seem long, but it's the longest I have been in a company, and I'm still counting.

Some thing doesn't seem long but it does. Eg. the song《不该》is already 4 years old and every now and then people are still singing it like it's the hottest song in town. Sodagreen has been gong for 3 years and it felt like eternity. The idea of long or short is a perspective. 5 years may be long to some and in some way while it's like an entire lifetime for some. "Are you sure you are only here for 5 years? You seemed like you have been here forever", one may say. "Wow! You have already worked here for 5 years, any plans of leaving? You don't look like you worked so long", another may say.

Yes, 5 years may seem long (well, not long enough for long service award at SCO). However, I'm still learning new things every now and then. About the work itself, about the people around. Although this period couldn't be more productive and fulfilling as the past, it really allows us to also restart the system. If possible, make it better. I can't say I'm the best worker through these years. I'm definitely not. Not the most hardworking, not the most on the job, not the most tidy person around. But I'm glad that I'm not a useless person around, and probably not someone who will get the complains. (I hope not) Hmm... now I ponder.

Overall, I felt blessed that I am still in a field I have passion for. I really still cannot imagine a day I have to work for non-arts organisation. I remember during one appraisal meeting, it was something about not making good enough progress (probably it was really stagnant for that year, I can't remember which), and ask me to think about why and how I actually made it to SCO. Needless to say, it was a reminder to me how many interviews, rejections and disappointments I have gone through to make it to where I am now. At that moment, I really felt that tears are welling up my eyes, but I really held back. Honestly, I was a little surprised because I suddenly felt that yes, the boss remembers and saw that in me although we never really knew each other much before coming into SCO.

It was true. I applied for a job at SCO for at least 5 times through the past 7 years from just before my last year of studies till I eventually get the job in 2015, trying out for various departments and positions without even considering if I really liked the department. But I specifically remembered 3 interviews - the one in 2008, where the current big boss insisted that I won't be able to cope with my studies and work at that time being a year 3 student, despite clearly stating that I do not have lessons in the day and in fact, I didn't have many modules to cover for that 2 semesters. Maybe he was right, but I just felt that I wasn't given a chance to prove him wrong. Eventually, I also got to know the person who got the job and is still in the company although she has moved to another department. The second one I remembered was halfway through AEB and we got to know that the programme will not be continuing the following year. The job advert came up and it was similar to what I was doing, so I applied. But I still didn't get it. And this last one that I have gone through, though the position was much lower than what I am qualified for, I guess I was mature enough by then to put it through nicely. And I must it is one of the positions that I really wanted. Also, not to forget my short little stint with the marketing department after I graduated.

Another reason was also because the big boss always mention the other colleague whom had tried a few times also to enter to SCO. And I always thought, hey, he is not the only one. Just because you were his mentor for his thesis writing in his college years doesn't mean you should only take note of him. In fact, I interviewed the big boss for one of my assignments back in Year 1 or 2 in my studies. And I didn't make less attempt or interest or ability to work here. But it's all right. It only meant that we have to work to please ourselves, not for others. As long as I have done my job, take up my own responsibility, I don't need people like him to push that kind of testimonial for me.

I must also remember all the time I couldn't find a job and was despair with all the happenings around me. This will remind me that I have to really work hard to keep me at where I am and to push myself forward because nobody else will.

5 years down. I will continue. Esp. when CB really makes me even more sure that I'm staying with the arts.

Tough Times, but #SGUnited

Things have changed so fast and vast, in the very short span of time, things really escalated quickly.

30Mar-2Apr
We were only in our trial for WFH, there and then it was just split teams A&B after planning and preparing for some time due to lack of equipment and set-ups for everyone. And for school students, trial for HBL. We were only sad that we won't see half the number of colleagues for 1 month.

3Apr
And then by the end of the trial we were told that most of the colleagues will be telecommuting from the following week onwards instead of the split team. And that left only the few of us still tied to the split teams due to unfinished plans at that point of time. But also on this very day, we were informed that telecommuting is a MUST for everyone in the building. Announcement was made in the late afternoon regarding circuit breaker plan for us to try to bring down the number of cases. Schools will be closed too. Seems like a big news for everyone, but surprisingly, people seems to not be taking decisions as such seriously.

4-5Apr
Yup preparing for the semi lock down, which means to some people, the last chance to be out and about. I can only say, I don't get it that why is this short freedom more important than the long term freedom? The earlier we get through this, the earlier everything can get back to normal. Thanks for selfish people all around. Thank goodness parents did not insist they need to go for their regular coffee since Sat. Although the social butterfly in mum is trying to break out any time.

6Apr
Last day in office. Half-day actually. Packed some last minute stuff home. Even went to the supermarket for some last min shopping as well, while also keeping a distance from others.

And hence, 7 Apr marks the first day of the circuit breaker, or CB in short. Only essential services are opened. Every now and then, mum tries to put in a marketing schedule, but, knowing what the mother is not capable of (keeping good distance, wearing the mask for a long time, not having any contact with other people), it is hard to allow her to go anywhere at all. And my dad, though more conscious, is also stubborn when it comes to some stuff. I'm just glad that nothing has gone wrong yet, so far, i.e. Mum didn't have any meltdown these days, everyone is more tolerant towards each other, tones are also slightly different. Phew!

9 Apr
A blessing that I have gone to bake at sister's place on 8th (disclaimer: I took her car there and back, no contact with people outside), because it was announced that people staying in different household now cannot meet and visit each other, not even immediate family. That's rather devastating for us, the only way to have some sane from this boring days were when the sister visits.

10 Apr
All should wear a mask when out in the public, i.e. any time you are out of your house. People without masks will be rejected at markets, supermarkets and public transport.

For me, I'm good to not having to go out and this is not something new to me. I have been like this in my schooling years, and when I didn't have a job. Yes, sometimes I may have the urge to get out for a while, but it's usually also on my own and just to grab some cravings or some quiet time outside when there are other people in the house. That's probably also the reason I see the need to clear the study table (which hasn't been used for more than 10years), so I really get some good peace doing work (or not).

Speaking of which, a few friends came talking to me (after a week) to check-in on me. Appreciative of that. But you know, I'm really a introvert to begin with, I've never been better than this working condition. I don't even feel tired from only sleeping 3.5h last night because today was peaceful enough. It's actually quite amazing. And my colleagues have never believed that I am an introvert. Oh well, I can be really talkative, I know, but truth is I really only talk a lot when I'm with people I'm comfortable with. And the fact that I haven't took initiative to look for anyone to chat already says a lot. I'm just the passive person, who would open myself (part of) to them when they approach me first. So, honestly, I'm really fine being home from the start till now, with just a few breathers in between.

Of course, there's more time at home, less work to do, more time to rest, less busy life, more time to think, etc. I don't know, but many a times I would think would it have been better or worse if I have had a companion. Rhetorical I know, but just think lah! Sometimes I realise that I cannot imagine myself in a relationship, I sometimes have this feeling that I have some commitment issues. Haha! Never tried, never know. Oh well... what is there installed for me I have no idea. I thought of pushing for it but if it's not for me then how? I get disappointed again? I don't want to take a risk again. I am afraid, as afraid as contracting covid-19. So I have managed to sort of clean the thought off myself for the time being. But recently I hear this song and its lyrics, 想见你想见你想见你, I'm like, this is me right now! I can't believe that every single line is so on point what I think and what I'm doing. But aiya, think only.

So many people have done things they probably haven't done in donkey years during this period of time. Honestly, same for me. I have neglected so many things. I mean, even though we have all the time now, some things are still hard for one to do when it's not habitual.
1. Exercise
2. Practice
3. Read
4. Do the chores

I hope that during this period of time I will pick up my instruments more, honestly, Erhu is still easier to pick up than Violin. I almost died just now. (all right, kidding) But it was honestly painful. I kept on questioning myself if it had felt the same when I was still in the learning stage (when I practiced at almost every day) and I have really forgotten about the pain already, or, it only happened now because either I haven't practiced for a long time or the chin rest doesn't suit me anymore. And I also want to practice singing more. It's been long since I really spend a lot of time listening to music and singing to them. I used to do it so much, hence, I am not exactly updated and I find it so difficult to learn new songs now. I have always wanted to pick up a new instrument - Piano or Guitar, but I think for now, I will go back to recollect what I have left off.

Hmm... Exercise and read. I really got to try. Harder. Started books and I tried to read on weekends but I always end up napping. Hmm... 3 books at least? And I'm also still on my online romance novels!

Lastly, #stayhome #staysafe #doitforyourselfandforothers
This is so important because I really can't wait to get back to work. I am super sad that all the shows I have been looking forward - whether SCO or not, are cancelled during this period of time. There were at least 4 - 5 shows I was supposed to go to but were cancelled. Glad that I caught Qin Kai and Shunta's recital in end Feb, before everything else was impossible. It's really a pity because there were so many good shows prepared for the Singapore audiences. :( Can't wait to go back too because what is life without arts? Earth is just 'Eh' without art. Let's do this together.

I mean... why is there a need to go out? At least we have got data and internet now. 17 years ago, all we had was MSN. That was really boring. I remembered so clearly because there's nothing else we can do. Now there's really a hell lot of things you can do at home so just stay home lah! Please show that #SGUnited can work.

我愛的蘇打綠回來了!

今天看到「Tomorrow will be fine」的 MV，你不能想像我在多快的時間內就落淚了。而且昨天才提起了回歸這件事，沒想到竟然在青峰演唱會上就發生了（沒得去還是QQ)
可能你不能了解為什麼我這麼期待，這麼感動於蘇打綠的回歸。
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第一次我聽「歌頌者」的時候也哭了，真是因為他唱的三段副歌：
可能我 唱出了你的苦澀
可能我 唱著自己的人生
可我們 有過相同的心聲
所以你 才會出現在左右
聽我唱著

可能我 陪伴過你的青春
可能我 陪伴自己的靈魂
而我們 凝視著彼此的真
所以心 才如此靜水流深
讓歌生了根

可能我 歌頌著你的心疼
可能我 歌頌著我還活著
而我們 都想再一次狂奔
所以你 願意對我點點頭
說我不笨
.
曾經在好多段我不太好的時期，蘇打綠的歌陪伴過我度過無數個失眠的夜晚。他們給我的力量是我無法用言語形容的。有時候我都懷疑蘇打綠在我心中的地位都已經超過了JJ 🤭 畢竟他們給我更多的是感動，是覺得他們懂我，認可我的感受，唱著我每一個心聲。
看著主唱大人最近發生的事情，非常心疼他，所有對別人的信任可能就這樣被摧毀了吧。但，也因為這樣，所有的團員都發文為他加油，看了更讓人感動呢！謝謝你們要回來了！Tomorrow will be fine, Tomorrow I’ll be fine, Tomorrow we’ll be fine. 很喜歡這首歌，聽著歌，看著MV，還是很感動很感動喔！真心希望很快可以再遇見！
#今日歌詞 #手寫體 #蘇打綠 #吳青峰 #歌頌者 #蘇打綠回歸 #tomorrowwillbefine 😢 #thanksforreading

不管說多少次都不夠! 我的喜悅也只有打粉可以理解... 期待了三年。記得2017年1月1號他們在國家兩廳廣場演唱休團前最後一場... 只能看直播的我也是淚流滿面。印象中只有蘇打綠每次看他們都會有這種感覺。那一年，他們做了非常多的直播，因為在休團前他們為每張專輯開了個mini演唱會。當然，一個都沒去，但每一場我都乖乖的守在FB，等待直播的出現。對於我來說，已經很好了。想到他們在未來的三年裡不會出現在任何電台/演唱會/電視、或者說不會有任何他們的消息，說真的，蠻崩潰的。

我只能說，我一天都沒有忘記他們，因為這幾年我聽的最多的還是他們的音樂。這三年裡，還是會關注他們做的一些事，像：凱開去讀書有時和青峰一起練歌、小威有第二個兒子（他兩個兒子都好可愛）還有辦攝影展、賣洗髮精、阿龔有做他古典音樂的事情、還有很有才的freestyle彈奏蘇打綠的歌、阿福也生了第二個，創了其他樂團帶他們到處表演，還有女神心儀也結婚生小孩了! 三年能發生的事情還真多! 有一時期青峰的好幾首作品都因為歌手發片的時間差不多一起來到了市面，有開心的去聽他的作品、就算不是他唱的。只要聽到他有發文發演唱的片段就會馬上聽... 最喜歡的是小精靈。

然後到他以最強新人出現，我只能說，超級無敵開心。看《歌手》完完全全是因為他。喜歡他唱歌、喜歡他講話，所有都喜歡。還有最喜歡的是最後一集家凱的出現，真的是哭到不行。他出了個人專輯我更開心! 整張專輯都非常好聽! 當然，沒想到是因為最痛苦的時候才做出來的作品。所以才會讓我聽了好幾首都是流淚的歌。還有做了我自己覺得蠻瘋狂的一件事，在知道青峰會唱台北跨年的時候，只考慮了半天就決定去了。之前JJ是剛巧遇到了，這次我卻真的是為了他去的。第一次在國外買票看演唱會也是蘇打綠的，也是因為要看演唱會才去的... 看了他們真的已經不小心超前了哦 😅

被以往最信任的人擺了一道，真的很無語。你要版權你可以討啊，真的有必要到吿人家嗎？而且還是一直口中的‘家人’，會不會太假了一點。就是不續約而已啊。如果他們演奏或演唱了蘇打綠的歌，版權費還都要給你了，這樣都不太有道理了，還有搞這麼一齣。真的很傻眼! 希望青峰和蘇打綠往後的表演都不會因為這樣受影響。不過說真的，他們都是創作者，你什麼貢獻都沒有，他們自己可以繼續創作。他們創作量這麼高，速度那麼快，沒有什麼好怕的。只是可惜了以前的好作品而已。韋瓦第四季的主題是多麼的好，不能演真的好可惜。都有一種既然錢都只能他賺，還不如就不聽的感覺。沒有價值的歌他還會要嗎? 真的無解。

希望雨過天晴，合體出專輯的日子趕快到來。Tomorrow Will Be Fine! 依然愛你們喔!