All the food for June

You know, sometimes I read my old blog posts, fb posts and twitter and wonder to myself: what the hack was I writing about? The emotions were so strong in the posts but I just can't recall what they were about. I mean.. to think about it... Sometimes I know that when I look at it in future, it will be something I will remember, plus it's about someone I can't name so openly. So if it's something I can't remember, it most probably means that it wasn't necessary for me to even have that post. haha! It's so lame. But even so, that's okay because these are public domain and one just can't be too sure that any thing like that wouldn't go viral or known to that person eventually cos the world is just so small. BUT THEN... my written diary (yes, I still keep one).. No one is going to read it, except for myself, and I write like someone is. -.- I looked back and there are some things I cannot recall at all. And there's no way to check against either cos then it should have been the fall back part right. HAHA! What was I thinking, seriously. Anyway, so... I should share some positive stuff. :)

OH WELL... just when I thought birthday was over.
I have been meeting people and eating non-stop 2 weeks following the birthday (Birthday started on 11 Jun). And I'm almost dying from the food though I'm happy every single time with friends.

120616 is over.

也许现在我不太看重‘生日’这件事，有一点点是因为几年前认识了苏打绿以后青峰说的一些关于生日的事（就不必在这里说了）

谢谢看到脸书说是我生日然后用了几秒钟祝我生日快乐的人们。虽然不是一件什么大事，不就是打那几个字吗？但你做了吗？看着这些祝福的名字一一出现，不禁有些感慨。就连一些我不太熟的朋友都做了，有些多年的朋友却认为我不值得他生命里的几秒钟。好吧，就叹个气而已。因为是在意的人才会有这样的感觉的。其实我已经很高兴了，因为我没有想到会有这么多人不止用fb的方式，而是更直接的whatsapp :) 我觉得跟我想的一样，是更有意义的。

今年最大的不同呢，就是，我们15年的友谊就这样散了。因为除了我们几个以外，其他人都是如此的被动。谁都会累的。在没有人主动的提问下，被动的人就没有反应了。反正他们也都只顾自己啊。我们没有谁怕谁的，不知道是哪一边出了问题，无法避免的，就算我这几年多么努力的想把大家拼在一起，最后累的是我自己。不拼了，结果就是粘不在一起了。朋友也是两方面的，我想跟你联络做朋友，也要你肯付出时间和精力跟我做朋友才有用。最近终于看到什么朋友真心，什么朋友一向敷衍，或只是出于习惯跟着而已。

觉得很对不起常常以我们为重要的朋友出发的朋友，有时我会冷淡的对待，但是.... 现在开始我不会了。另外一群也是如此。也许，对他们来说，我也是出自于习惯的出现；可有可无。因为已经在一个群组里，不可避免的带着我一起而已。哈哈！

现在起做一个称职的朋友吧。

(朋友太多，但到最后，我从来就觉得选择比较重要的朋友是一件很困难的事）

And well, all these will be visible when the birthday comes. Why?

Real friends wish you happy birthday and ask for a meet up and really meet up with you. Or even, before the birthday comes, not even having to say it's for your birthday. Normal friends wish you happy birthday and that's it, or say meet up soon but that soon never comes. Effort is the word. 

Anyway I think that personally I'm quite an awkward person. I don't like all these stuff but I get a little disappointed at times when it happens to other people and not me. Haha. Just can't make up my mind if I want to feel awkward with all these people staring at me or sad that no one actually cares to plan a little. HAHA!

Time really passes so quickly. Looking through instagram having photos of past year(s) just can't seem to allow me to gauge how long it felt since the last, last last, or birthdays 3, 4, 5 years ago. It's amazing how my feelings haven't changed all these years; that I actually don't mind having the whole day to myself. 

And I will do it next year. I promise.