Sometimes I do still feel that life is really quite hard on me. Chances always slip by and only come by when I already go for something that is not as desirable. Which is quite a sad thing for me.
Just that day I met up with my jc mates, and they were talking abt the bonus and whatever they are going to get this year cos they are under the govt. The benefits, and the pay and the ladder that they are able to climb, blah blah. While kim and i were really just listening. Well, I can only say the 2 of us are really out of the discussion cos 1. she's not working now, 2. we are not working under the govt, 3. our pay are so low we can't even make a good point ourselves. And i really only can say we are really serving our jobs out of passion.
Now... I can only say... I'm really very busy, but i'm not earning big bucks at all. If u ask me, for july, I have only 3 free days now. Or rather, 2 of the days, i'm only half free. -.- So it's like, only 2 days free in total. sometimes i would ask myself, what am i doing all these for? But it's kinda difficult to let go of some of the things i'm doing. First, of cos i have to do my job and do what i'm required, plus i'm paid! haha. Then for teaching, I feel that it might not be my obligation to stay there forever to teach them, but i dun want to give up so quickly. It's very little money, can't really do much to my expense cos the travel expense i need to get to the school is already like what 40% of what i get. But i don't know, I do like to teach the little children although some are really like, I dunno if I can really handle them for long. And keep changing teacher is not good for the kid(s). I want to really let them like violin and not be like me.
Then for SYCO, it's one of my biggest dilemma. I don't get paid, I have to tire myself out by rushing down to prac after work for every prac and dun get to eat dinner, then get very worn out after the prac. But my motivations are the performances that we put up tgt, and the friends that i've been with for so many years. Although quite a no. are leaving and I'm really sad to know that, I still don't know if i'm able to let it go so easily. It's really not an easy decision. And then again, if i stop syco, i might not have the motivation to continue with erhu lesson too. And erhu lesson is something i so treasure now.
Life is hard to go by, especially when i know of a friend going to work at sco, i wished i had made a different decision once. Just that now, i have to go on with life and see what is installed for me. I hope to see the light soon anyhows. Almost the end of my 2nd month here. I hope i'm doing not bad for the others. :)
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