#RoadtoJJ20

 2022年11月4日，7pm 在 Singapore National Stadium 看了 #JJ20 演唱会。其實感覺蠻奇妙的。

還沒去的時候也不覺得，但JJ一說“20年了”，突然覺得... 哇！20年就這樣過了。這20年來我都和同樣的朋友一起出席所有JJ的大型演唱會。從還是學生的我們，只能買旁邊的票的我們，到現在是買Cat 1 票的我們，好像也是一件很難得的事情。雖然我們不是瘋狂追星的粉絲（我已經是我們當中最瘋狂的了），但我們也真的是從第一張專輯就開始聽他的歌。20年真的挺不容易的。

2006年6月24日，“就是俊傑巡迴演唱會 - Just JJ World Tour 2006”. JJ人生中的第一個巡迴演唱會新加坡場，也是我人生中第一次自己花錢買的演唱會門票，因為二姐沒有要去，所以我沒辦法讓她幫我付。這也開啟了我接下來的日子裡無數個自己花錢看演唱會的日子。這個博客頁面的Just JJ 標籤也是由這一場演唱會後產生的。現在還是回憶滿滿。雖然演唱會的部分已經記得的不太多，但知道當時肯定是開心、滿足的。

2009年3月28日，林俊傑世界巡迴演唱會 - JJ World Tour 2009，是很多人都不記得的一場巡迴，因為好像辦了兩場就因為聲帶受損的問題停掉了。但這一場我印象最深刻的是我們坐在 Cat 2 吧，舞台旁邊的位子，感覺近了許多，然後他全家人都在台上，演奏各自會的樂器（他爸爸媽媽都會華樂樂器，哥哥演奏的是鋼琴），跟他一起演出我當時很喜歡很喜歡的一首歌《醉赤壁》（現在還是挺喜歡的），到現在還是覺得那是一件很酷的事情。

2011年3月5日，I AM - JJ 林俊傑世界巡迴演唱會。我們還是在Cat 2（票價每一個新的演唱會都起$20），所以剛開始工作的我們也只能繼續買便宜一點的票。但這次好像又更靠近舞台了。還記得這一場的亮點是JJ畫了一個煙燻妝，原因是什麼我也不記得了。但是我們是覺得有驚喜，有好笑，畢竟看過煙燻妝的JJ。然後這一場的特別嘉賓是老蕭蕭敬騰，他們一起唱著Michael Jackson, 現場瞬間更 High 了。

2013年11月9日，時:線 世界巡迴演唱會 Timeline World Tour Concert。其實這一場和下一場我的記憶有點模糊。有一點點忘了時線原來有兩個不同版本。但這兩場演唱會應該是我第一次買Cat 1的票（那時候工作穩定，票價還可以 - $201），那時的票好像是跟JJFCSG一起買的，所以票位真的很好 - 在第6排！只是說... 我們和歌迷會在一起但我們又不是很積極的那種。還是會尖叫，會enjoy，但真的沒有要很瘋狂。我們好像記得當時出了因你而在專輯，所以哥哥有在台上和他合唱《飛機》，還有一如既往的會唱Michael Jackson 的歌，但這次有鍛鍊身體的他在唱 Billie Jean 和《就是我》的時候又大玩水，又把衣服給撕了。

2015年9月5日，時：線 - 新地球 世界巡迴演唱會 (安可場) Timeline Genesis World Tour Concert (Encore) 是我記憶中最好的一場。依稀記得這一場的票是朋友的朋友幫我們買的。是跟前一場差不多一樣的位子，但在另一邊，周圍都是這樣買票的所以大家都是比較冷靜的，所以看到的也比較多。然後，當時雖然沒有那麼好的手機，但是我當時有不錯的數碼相機（也是在上一場過後才買的），所以有拍到我自己到現在都還是很滿意的照片。而且他的臉我們真的看得非常的清楚，雖然說在出席他各個活動的時候也都看過了，但是還是會興奮吧。那時期比較有那種我想花多一點時間認真看現場的感覺, 所以多數也就是拍照, 沒有太多的影片, 但很多回憶就從照片中存在腦海了. 然後，這一場是最後一次我們花這麼少錢就可以看到JJ的演唱會。之後，一切都變了 :') 因為他更紅了。

2018年8月18日，聖所世界巡迴演唱會 Sanctuary World Tour Concert。是他第一次新加坡的演唱會有多過一場，而且原本只有兩場，但因為那兩場都秒殺所以最後變成了4場。原本覺得“哇！第一次有兩場，不如兩場都去吧！不需要都是最貴的，但我只是不想錯過。” 但是，票我就都搶不到，所以就只能去4場中的其中一場。不知道該不該為他高興的我，因為再也沒機會靠近舞台了。而且票價翻倍的貴。所以多買幾場也是不可能的事。真的QQ 不過託朋友的福，就算位子沒有之前的好，還是不錯的. 有買到票就不錯了. 那一次是我第一次覺得真的有可能會買不到票, 如果沒有買到怎麼辦! 幸好最後不需要擔心這個.

在那之後呢... 可能以後都沒有室內體育館的場次了. 唉...... 對他來說可能去了國家體育館後那種觀眾人數翻倍給他視覺以及整體反應的震撼力讓他再也回不去室內體育館的小規模了. 但對於我們觀眾來說, 卻又把距離拉得更遠了. 

2019年12月21日, 聖所2.0世界巡迴演唱會 Sanctuary 2.0 World Tour Concert. 買的最慘的一次. 這次靠不了任何人, 真的靠自己買回來的票. 也真的差一點就買不到了. 第一天開票的時候就沒買到. 第二天賣票時才勉強的買到. :') 雖然還是Cat 1, 也只能買到邊邊的票. 最後只能說... 好過沒有. 但這也是我非常幸運的一次, 因為在眾多人之中, 我竟然能被抽中參與林距離後台加油活動, 那時候各地的粉絲都能過來新加坡, 所以報名的人肯定很多. 他們只抽了2位, 我是其中一位, 所以真的只能是幸運. 演唱會部分我可能也不太記得了. 哈哈! 但在後台的部分我還是記得很清楚的. 以一個也是舞台工作者來說 (能這麼說嗎?), 去這麼大型的演出的後台是很神奇的一件事. 原來他們在開場前會圍一個大圈一起禱告. 我當時站在他的右邊, 另一位在他的左邊. 我也沒選, 只是自然的讓另一位女生先過去. 最後林媽媽來了, 就站在JJ的左邊, 女生就這樣, 被隔開了. 只是整個過程太長了握手心一直出汗. :') 所以一直有想放手的衝動. 但是很感謝, JJ和我右邊的dancer人都很好, 一直都是穩穩地握著, 直到最後.

2021年聖所終極站線上演唱會, 也看了. 雖然說因為很多原因, 在当天是什么也没看到。網絡的世界有時就這樣甚麼也做不了。雖然最後推了款，也補了觀看的時間，但是感覺已經不一樣了。可惜了，花了這麼長時間精心的準備，本來也是聖所完美的句點卻... 最慘的是竟然是sistic做的。哎... 

2022年其實沒想到會是JJ20的開始（因為2023才20年），也沒想到會從新加坡出發。最近聽到他的訪談說，人生能有幾個20年。還真的是... 我20年的青春也這樣獻給了他。😂 這句話是近幾年我一直聽到演奏家們說的一句話。的確，20年來算是我最瘋狂追的歌手。只有今年我覺得自己開始慢慢的脫節了。原因下次再說吧。沒有脫粉，因為我一直都是以“他唱歌很好聽”去追的。

若要細述這些年來我做的追星活動也太難了，畢竟有一些我也小小的忘了。隱約記得，早早的一次簽名會，我因為青年團有演出而請求二姐幫我去拿簽名。對是朋友的她來說是有點小尷尬，但是她還是去了。之後的每一個簽唱會、JJ Party、專輯宣傳活動、電台演出活動我都有去。曾經有一年我們就是一起到IMM去看。然後不管是本地的或國際的歌友會我都是第一時間參加，因而有特別活動能參與 -- 見面會、背對背擁抱拍照會、一起看電影 （抽中被喂爆米花 -- 真的很瞎很害羞的一件事，拍團體照的時候剛好坐到他旁邊）、更多的林距離見面會和拍照。但後來就有一點難參加，因為粉絲人數越來越多。（最近翻到以前的電郵才發現原來其中一場JJ Party 的票也是要用贏/抽的)

今年也有的，是演唱會後的第二天下午茶。我竟然在被抽中後猶豫要不要去。然後我就發現，因為我猶豫了，就表示我沒有要非去不可。而且我肯定是一個人去，突然覺得自己去會有點尷尬，畢竟不是少女粉，不會像以前那樣誇張的尖叫或興奮了吧？所以最後省下了錢、雖然可能這一年下來就沒機會了。

演唱會本身呢，看到舞台還是覺得很開心，因為太華麗了！就是覺得很了不起。雖然沒有很靠前的座位，該看的還是看得到，能參與的還是會參與到。雖然想聽到的歌不一定都有，但他真心想唱多一些歌，所以好一些都只唱半首，連接也很緊湊，還是挺用心的。只是... 影片真的可以少一點點，雖然那些影片都有一些意思，不过我覺得歌迷都是想多聽他唱歌或說話。然後演唱會還有最近我蠻常看的kpop dance 的元素 -- 喜歡！唯一真的讓我覺得奇怪的是現場為甚麼一直有人走來走去，還有一堆提早離開的人？呵呵。

還會去看JJ演唱會嗎? 會。還會那麼瘋狂嗎? 應該不會了，可能我會覺得，不需要買最貴的了吧。但是，又覺得可能真的會聽不到，那怎麼辦？#firstworldproblem 等下一次演唱會的時候再說吧。也有可能買不到票。

Progressing in Work

It has really been months. Many changes in life though many things stayed the same too. It was no doubt that I have become busier with all the new job scope (although nothing was written in the promotion letter). I have endless fitting sessions for the uniform, and nope, I am not done yet. I hope it will be by the end of this month, so that we can really get this over and be done with, because I have soooo many other work waiting to be done. Now we also have 6 musician positions (2 are the same instrument) to fill. I have never headed 1 audition, needless to say 5! It is definitely giving me a headache, given the tight timeline. Almost forced to the wall, and still have many other matters to manage at the same time. As much as I think I should let musicians do some of the work themselves, I feel a little more at ease to help them do it to know that it has definitely been done. So actually I brought it upon myself. 

It also didn't help that the colleague is not no longer in lead for the orchestra portion and will be waiting for me to voice out concerns so he can help. In a way it is good because then I get to make the decision but it worries me sometimes because I'm also not quite good at decision making. Actually, neither is he. 

And worse, he was out of action for almost the entire first quarter of the year. Poor thing regarding his health, but I would appreciate more if I was told earlier that I will on my own most of the time. We also had a temp staff for 2 months, and I thought I will receive help. I even briefed her on the rehearsal procedures and said will probably need her help. But never did she appear once without my exact instructions. I was too tired to deal with this so I just do everything myself. 

I know it is a bad habit because I seldom call for help and I sometimes do not know when I should call for help, unless someone asked. This is something I definitely need to learn. The problem also lies that I only trust my own work and sometimes I'm probably too shy to ask as well. 

So very drowned in work, although there is still a sense of accomplishment as I feel that I have grown again in this job and environment. I feel that I'm able to give more constructive recommendations and involved in more important discussions. It really helps to stimulate more brain activities to keep things going, even though it was really really tiring. :')

In the nutshell, I'm still happy to be here for the past 7 years (on 4 May), and I will maybe continue for at least the next few years. ◡̈ 

Affinity with CO

This may never be shared publicly on the company profile because l really suck at this. But as I read many of their entries, I do realise how attached I am to the company. If not, I wouldn't have tried so hard.

Honestly, I felt that anyone who is a fan of CO would have dreamt of working in this company before. I learnt of Sco in primary school when our instructors changed and they were all from SCO. I had to beg my mother a few times before I was allowed to attend a SCO concert back then. That was before the current home of SCO - SCH was ready; concerts were held in VCH back then. Obviously I don't remember the programmes anymore but if I see the poster I might have impression that I have attended some of them. That was how I connected with SCO.

With encouragement from my then Erhu teacher - Mr. Low, I joined the SYCO in 2005 and stayed till I had to "graduate" in 2013. From the orchestra, I have met many many likeminded friends, whom not only did we attend more SCO concerts together, we also hang out a lot in a large group before and after rehearsals for dinner or supper, watch movies, organize our own annual EOY chalet.

Aside from the fun, I also experience a whole range of good and challenging repertoire, got the chance to play alongside SCO musicians once a year, and also witnessed how a team worked behind the orchestra to make a concert possible. I knew I wasn't professional musician material but I'm still passionate in the Arts, so I gone to do Arts management instead.

Can't say I excel in the studies, and I'm also not exactly well-liked, and although my interest in another aspect of the Arts industry grew throughout my study, there's still this part of me that wanted to join this company, esp. at the end because I just want to show that I'm capable of doing it when the others didn't believe in me. Took me a few attempts across different job titles and honestly, after a while, I was not that keen anymore because I had tried too many times so I didn't feel like doing it again and again, like shamelessly. I also wanted to try other arts forms, esp. I was enjoying working with band and symphony orchestra at that time too. Fortunately or unfortunately, this final chance came up and it was quite a perfect position. (Maybe half perfect, I have always wanted to do programme, but I also wanted to do artist management). I only got the artist (internal) management part. But I was all grateful as I've been in the company for 6 years, which is the furthest I've come, yet. 

“你可不能走哦”，是我听到最安慰的一句话。差一点就要哭了。不管我做了多少麻烦他们的事，多少不好听的话，他们还是希望跟他们一起工作的是我，这就是信任。谢谢他们这几年下来愿意信任我，愿意和我分享事情，愿意跟我抱怨，愿意请我帮他们的忙，愿意带我一起做很多事情。很荣幸，很开心他们不嫌弃我。对我来说，与很多人都是公事，是公事就不会随便，但公事外还是可以是同事。其实我不需要他们喜欢我，我需要的是互相配合，互相尊重，但这些就是靠‘喜欢’换来的。工作上我问心无愧的平等的对待每个人。需要做的就得做，我只能表示同理心。

“同理心”应该是我最好的特质了。不一定一直做的好，但有着同理心总会让人感觉到我的真心。

With this, I also received my best present for the year. I just need to thank everyone for being patient with me. They could have complained about me for everything I did not so well. 

What surprised me more was during my appraisal, my boss asked me if I have plans for the years to come, and if I have imagined myself to be a HOD. Never. ever. Because I actually know that I can't lead well. I can't make good decisions on my own, I don't really know how to delegate jobs to other people and I prefer to do many things myself and my way. So I may end up like one of the previous HODs, which I think better not lah hor. Then again, this also led me to think more about what I should and need to do in future, and probably I need to plan for myself as well. This is a scary moment but also an exciting moment because I can now handle things on my own without hindrance (which is also the scary part because I cannot shun away from anything anymore OMG!). I'm more scared than excited definitely. But I hope it will be good. Definitely looking forward to doing more shows, and I also need to pray everyday that things will be fine - I will not be late; musicians will not be late; musicians can fit in their uniform, musicians remember to come to work, etc. 

With that, I hope for a better year ahead! ◡̈

More busy stuff

Continuously being busy, I'm still guilty of missing out stuff and doing very last minute things. I'm really glad that all the musicians are soooo understanding. I have never felt this way, and I'm not sure if it's because of covid that they have become more bearable with multiple changes and many last minute duties. Even though I informed them of something they have to do and have to come by company only a few days in advance, I never thought that no one said something negative to me at all (whether they thought about it I don't know and I can't care much). And some of them even thanked me for what I've been doing. Even though not all of them say, I'm already thankful for the little appreciations I get. After all the late night work, maybe I'm just not efficient. I have so many backlogs and I feel bad for not giving some information earlier.

Thankful that colleagues really believed in me and never question me too much. But can't help feeling a little guilty when I miss out like updates to musicians not coming and etc. But I'm the only one doing everything leh. :( 

Thankful that colleagues prefer me over other colleague, which also means, sometimes I do more. I've probably done like stage crew duty for concerts since last year, i think like 4 or 5 altogether and obviously he hasn't done any. And he said nobody asked him, while I have heard different stories -- that even though production side already told him he needs to help, he was nowhere to be seen during the rehearsal/show. hehe. And they wanted to reject the idea that I won't be down for duty next week! I don't know to be happy or sad. But I think through all these I also really learnt that their job is really not easy (I think I have said this somewhere before). I'm happy to let my colleague experience it a little (heard it's also quite tedious this time round), but also that if he does then he will have the chance to brag or "complain" next time. It's a dilemma but we are just going according to what was agreed and of course I don't want to overwrite this although I would rather do this concert than the next one for obvious reasons -- the soloists. LOL

But well, we should all have our time for things. At the same time, I'm still gonna get busy for the upcoming deadline. I'm just so nervous for the end product and the responses. I think I need to close my ears. Or just get my colleague to do it next time because he really gives no shit to what people say. I can't. 

Goodnight, got to gear up for the morning tomorrow. Com'on we can do it! It's just another 3 months till end of year!

Great to be Busy (I guess)

It's really been a few crazy months, even more so with all the changes and things that I have to do which I don't even know why. Yet, amidst all these, I have to find time to clear leave. And obviously, cannot go on leave with a peace of mind. 

All the things came at the same time previously. The uniform, the recording, the live demo, and all the concerts. As if it was not enough, there's also many changes to the concerts over the last few months, and the live demo got postponed, and the rehearsal schedules changed or got cancelled. 

Although it's frustrating for things to get cancelled or postponed at the last minute, I'm slightly relieved that the live demo got postponed too. It's really a dilemma whether I want it to be postponed or not. But if it haven't, then I would have died by now, manning everything myself. 

And of course, things happen here and there, one day my boss felt me when I approached her for some musicians matter, having to still deal with all the nitty gritty while being busy with all the big stuff. Yea, sometimes I really don't know if it's a blessing when I get approached so much more often than the colleague. Between doing up all the tables, papers, schedules, consolidation for over 50 people, arranging for 80 people to do their measurement, I also had to deal with the rehearsals, absentee, taking leave, scores and many others. If I really manage to pull it off at the end of the day, I really deserve to give myself a pat on my back. 

I really find no time for myself. Every day I just think of how much I have left, undone. And yet, picking up things whenever the others drop it. Suddenly some matters become my responsibility. It's really weird and I'm pretty sure that wasn't what was discussed previously. Honestly, I have already done everything I should, and shouldn't. I don't get it that I'm not the one who required all these, but had to be the one conveying the message when the decision maker is someone of so much more power than me. At the end of the day it really boils down to human relation, so many of them are so afraid to deal with musicians because they cannot treat them properly. I mean honestly, I always say this in defence to the musicians not because I'm trying to get their approval but I always treat them with respect and so vice versa. Of course, I have been friendly most of the time but I also know to be firm with them whenever needed. That's all was needed, it's not like I had to please anyone but doesn't mean I have to be rude to them just because they don't get it sometimes. 

At the end of the day, I know that they will appreciate what good people have done for them. And even when I had to be the baddie sometimes, they still are thankful for what I could do for them most of the time and believed me because I don't cover things up. If I'm wrong, I just apologise and move on. And they are forgiving because they know it's genuine. But some people are really fake, if you don't mean it then don't say it. 

And it's weird that all the responsibility really came to me. I remembered they say that they didn't need us to be there, just maybe the first day. But this person has never been present and left all the matters to me. So at the start I had to decide if we could let the musician continue recording, actually, I shouldn't be the one deciding. I was never part of the production part of the videos, so I don't know why I was there. Requirements was not said properly, I only remembered them saying musicians could wear anything they like but be presentable. I didn't know what was the set up like because I didn't need to know, so obviously I wasn't there for the set up but they expected that I should know what they wanted the video to look like, which I have no idea. So attire was informed at the last minute, fine. So similarly, I wasn't the one who required the look, but the boss has requirements but didn't want to inform musician directly when we are all in the same zoom (but I was on leave or away so I didn't catch it in time). That wasn't the deal really. 

But my boss is really a hero. She saved me today from a musician's enquiry and hand it back to the other boss doing it. Although musician might still be unhappy at the end of the day because it's really not our problem with this. And they could have better manage it. Oh well, all boils down to our technicians forever unable to support things fast. If they could answer my question in the first place yesterday then there wouldn't have been so much trouble. But it's okay, their boss should solve it anyway. 

And then, I believed that the dates shouldn't have been done by me. It's funny that the programmer did not even know the postponed date, which was already discussed earlier as the contingency plan in the meeting, which I had to miss due to something else. And again, her boss (that same other boss) didn't inform her that the announcement has been made. Can't believe that I had to do all these. 

Though MH is also sad now, because she should have been free by end of the month from all the solo stuff, now that the demo has been pushed to Nov, she's not any better. But previously when she asked when will I then be freed from these, honestly it's really when they go on bloc leave. I don't want to even think about it. 

And then there are people who talked about how to clear their annual leave when they have x number of days left like it's impossible and feels like it's a chore. It's really a no-wonder that he doesn't have a girlfriend. I had more days and it's even more impossible for me to clear. I just give a smirk in my heart. In the end? He had to go on leave for his family matters, though still had to deal with some work stuff. But ya, next time be careful what you wished for. There you go, clearing your leaves now so you don't have to go on 3 weeks' leave at the end of the year. I guess that's good news for yourself. Meanwhile, I still have 10.5 days to clear after taking a day this week and another day 2 weeks later. We have concerts every week in Oct, and almost all of Nov as well. 

I'm just tired thinking about it. On top of all these, more care package for the company and probably some events as well. Just afraid that at the end of the day I'm the one doing everything again. Like all the other care packages, whether was it under R-Team, company or the board's name. I did EVERY SINGLE THING for these 3 packages, under the name of everyone else. I think because I really just didn't know how to delegate work for others to help -- the reason I can never be a leader. Well, that's another story altogether. So I really want to give myself something good after all these ◡̈ 

Wished all these busy times were spent doing proper concerts instead. I really miss doing concerts after concerts, performing everywhere for everyone. We can only hope. 

Little happy things in life - Bday V34

So I always think that it's okay, my birthday is just another day, because my family is cool about celebrations all the time. We just take it as an excuse to eat something nice together. We don't even do all the cake cutting or bday songs most of the time. (also, just excuses to get cakes to eat. haha)

So this year, I decided to join my friend - June at her place, for our birthday, because same bday! Really fun and relaxing, just talk, eat, watch tv and play games. 

Speaking about this, it's quite amazing that I have really met a lot of friends who had the same bday as me. From pri school, it was Matthew Chin. And then there wasn't any in sec school though someone was rather near. But i knew Chek in JC and Tingkai in syco. And then I also got to know Jade from LASALLE. And then in SCO, there was Joshua and Kimberly, though both of them left. So there's June and I left in sco. Hahaha. 

Thankful for friends whom sent things to me, even though I already said I have loads of food in the fridge. HAHA! And I didn't even send anyone anything this year. :x I'm sure all my friends are more thoughtful than I ever am. Rach and Van went to queue for puff and peaks because I kept on posting that I didn't get to pre-order but didn't post when I finally did. The queue was crazy, but I'm glad they liked it too. (I think so lah hor) And Rach texted me to say she can share my things in the fridge just to confirm what I have but they happened to be already in the shop. HAHA! And delivered it to my place, and even sent me down to serangoon ◡̈

Then sushi also confirmed that I'm still at home and walked over with the delivery from Chye Seng Huat in the crazy weather. Lemon tart, banana walnut loaf and cold brews. Really happy leh! 

And the crazy girls who came to my door at 12am. To be honest, I checked their location. But I was almost sure they weren't doing it, and of course I forgot to prepare myself for it. So I was totally unglam even though I realised at the last few minutes that their location was off! But I also didn't put too much hope in it. Still, phone call came at 12am sharp. they were shocked my background was dark. (my entire house was already dark) I would have gone to sleep actually but decided to force myself to wait till 12am to see if miracles happened. HAHA. The reason I half expected this was because MH already knew I'm going to June's house so no way they can do it in the day. But I didn't guess what they will come with. This MH was asking me what do I always order from Mosanco cos I really always do and I thought she needed some advice. She came with 8 bottles! hahaha so whatever I said was ordered for me. LOL! 

I haven't had cold brew for quite some time and it was really a pleasant surprise. At least I could drink faster than I eat all those food so I was happy to receive them! 

Thankful for all these friends with efforts to my day special. I don't think I'm a really good friend to them. But after all these reflection recently, I will treat them better than I do. I even forgot that I wanted to get coffee for June. :( But I will definitely get her some the next time I see her. :) Because she got me a present too! yay!

Boss also told me she left my present on my desk and decided not to send food cos I have already gotten plenty. Came to work with a pleasant surprise of a mug filled with cats and local use of 'lah' i's a 'lah' mug. It was so cute! 

Thankful for little good things happening in life amidst all the bigger sadder things due to covid. :) 

Words of Schooling Memories

How often do you reminiscent about the past?

I thought I do it quite often, but we all only remember what we want to and also only remember it the way we want to, don't we?

There are some things that I always remember (whether always correctly or wrongly). Fortunately or unfortunately, I'm used to keeping a dairy since primary school and so I really have quite a substantial amount of records. Some of them I just want to flip through really fast because the contents were really boring and repetitive or it is something I really remembered so I didn't have to read it again. 

I have read each of my dairies a few times through the years and I'm sure I feel the same every time I read it again -- "I was really immature", "That was really stupid", "I should've known the ending then", "oh yes, that's exactly how I felt", "some things don't change", etc. Can't believe I wrote so much -- some really useless stuff. [Even now actually lol]

But all of those, was what made of my teenage years, whether or not some of the matters were really illogical, but I did those anyway. 

And then I also read all the cards (again as well) I have received over the years, and also messages friends have written for me, be it in my autograph book (it was such a hit last time) or on our class photo or a message in any sort. These are the things that I really forgot. Some cards were from friends I least expected, like we weren't even close or we have lost contact now. But, it also made me think that it was because I sent them something for the occasion and hence I got something in return. Thinking back, I really loved to send people cards, esp. for Christmas, and I was really afraid to miss out anyone so I really send it to everyone so I don't really care if that person is really a close friend. And from some of the cards, you could really tell you sent me one just because I did. But it's okay, I'm still happy to receive them and that's why I still have them till now. To be honest, I was so close to discarding some of them because I really wanted to declutter. But after posting on IG, a few friends asked me to keep them so I really did. After all, I was also rather hesitant to throw them in the first place. So I literally retrieve some of the items back from the bag of trash. 

And then, on the content, I realised many of my friends had written something along the line that I am lazy but smart, lazy but good in math (or just good in math), rather crazy, and ask me not to play but to study already. Things true friends say. I'm not even kidding but I was a little surprised. So I tried to think of crazy things I do or instances when I was in my crazy self, but I couldn't remember any. I have no idea why. All the remaining memories of my schooling days were how miserable I was. But I guess it wasn't all bad back in school. 

No matter what, it was interesting to go back to things I have written and things friends have written for me. And to remember that I had fun school days. And so, that small little clutter is still there to stay. :)