Little happy things in life - Bday V34

So I always think that it's okay, my birthday is just another day, because my family is cool about celebrations all the time. We just take it as an excuse to eat something nice together. We don't even do all the cake cutting or bday songs most of the time. (also, just excuses to get cakes to eat. haha)

So this year, I decided to join my friend - June at her place, for our birthday, because same bday! Really fun and relaxing, just talk, eat, watch tv and play games. 

Speaking about this, it's quite amazing that I have really met a lot of friends who had the same bday as me. From pri school, it was Matthew Chin. And then there wasn't any in sec school though someone was rather near. But i knew Chek in JC and Tingkai in syco. And then I also got to know Jade from LASALLE. And then in SCO, there was Joshua and Kimberly, though both of them left. So there's June and I left in sco. Hahaha. 

Thankful for friends whom sent things to me, even though I already said I have loads of food in the fridge. HAHA! And I didn't even send anyone anything this year. :x I'm sure all my friends are more thoughtful than I ever am. Rach and Van went to queue for puff and peaks because I kept on posting that I didn't get to pre-order but didn't post when I finally did. The queue was crazy, but I'm glad they liked it too. (I think so lah hor) And Rach texted me to say she can share my things in the fridge just to confirm what I have but they happened to be already in the shop. HAHA! And delivered it to my place, and even sent me down to serangoon ◡̈

Then sushi also confirmed that I'm still at home and walked over with the delivery from Chye Seng Huat in the crazy weather. Lemon tart, banana walnut loaf and cold brews. Really happy leh! 

And the crazy girls who came to my door at 12am. To be honest, I checked their location. But I was almost sure they weren't doing it, and of course I forgot to prepare myself for it. So I was totally unglam even though I realised at the last few minutes that their location was off! But I also didn't put too much hope in it. Still, phone call came at 12am sharp. they were shocked my background was dark. (my entire house was already dark) I would have gone to sleep actually but decided to force myself to wait till 12am to see if miracles happened. HAHA. The reason I half expected this was because MH already knew I'm going to June's house so no way they can do it in the day. But I didn't guess what they will come with. This MH was asking me what do I always order from Mosanco cos I really always do and I thought she needed some advice. She came with 8 bottles! hahaha so whatever I said was ordered for me. LOL! 

I haven't had cold brew for quite some time and it was really a pleasant surprise. At least I could drink faster than I eat all those food so I was happy to receive them! 

Thankful for all these friends with efforts to my day special. I don't think I'm a really good friend to them. But after all these reflection recently, I will treat them better than I do. I even forgot that I wanted to get coffee for June. :( But I will definitely get her some the next time I see her. :) Because she got me a present too! yay!

Boss also told me she left my present on my desk and decided not to send food cos I have already gotten plenty. Came to work with a pleasant surprise of a mug filled with cats and local use of 'lah' i's a 'lah' mug. It was so cute! 

Thankful for little good things happening in life amidst all the bigger sadder things due to covid. :) 

Words of Schooling Memories

How often do you reminiscent about the past?

I thought I do it quite often, but we all only remember what we want to and also only remember it the way we want to, don't we?

There are some things that I always remember (whether always correctly or wrongly). Fortunately or unfortunately, I'm used to keeping a dairy since primary school and so I really have quite a substantial amount of records. Some of them I just want to flip through really fast because the contents were really boring and repetitive or it is something I really remembered so I didn't have to read it again. 

I have read each of my dairies a few times through the years and I'm sure I feel the same every time I read it again -- "I was really immature", "That was really stupid", "I should've known the ending then", "oh yes, that's exactly how I felt", "some things don't change", etc. Can't believe I wrote so much -- some really useless stuff. [Even now actually lol]

But all of those, was what made of my teenage years, whether or not some of the matters were really illogical, but I did those anyway. 

And then I also read all the cards (again as well) I have received over the years, and also messages friends have written for me, be it in my autograph book (it was such a hit last time) or on our class photo or a message in any sort. These are the things that I really forgot. Some cards were from friends I least expected, like we weren't even close or we have lost contact now. But, it also made me think that it was because I sent them something for the occasion and hence I got something in return. Thinking back, I really loved to send people cards, esp. for Christmas, and I was really afraid to miss out anyone so I really send it to everyone so I don't really care if that person is really a close friend. And from some of the cards, you could really tell you sent me one just because I did. But it's okay, I'm still happy to receive them and that's why I still have them till now. To be honest, I was so close to discarding some of them because I really wanted to declutter. But after posting on IG, a few friends asked me to keep them so I really did. After all, I was also rather hesitant to throw them in the first place. So I literally retrieve some of the items back from the bag of trash. 

And then, on the content, I realised many of my friends had written something along the line that I am lazy but smart, lazy but good in math (or just good in math), rather crazy, and ask me not to play but to study already. Things true friends say. I'm not even kidding but I was a little surprised. So I tried to think of crazy things I do or instances when I was in my crazy self, but I couldn't remember any. I have no idea why. All the remaining memories of my schooling days were how miserable I was. But I guess it wasn't all bad back in school. 

No matter what, it was interesting to go back to things I have written and things friends have written for me. And to remember that I had fun school days. And so, that small little clutter is still there to stay. :)

20 years? And I guess not counting.

Thinking about it. How long has it been since the last I ever blogged about this group of friends as a whole, on something happy and worth saying. I've stopped, because I feel meaningless doing it after all these years of trying. 

We have known each other for 20 years. We probably hang out more after we got into the same class and I believed some of them might have felt obliged to be part of this group even if they have never wanted to be. And honestly, we didn't want to leave out anyone. 

If I have to recall all the things we have done, it wasn't smooth from the start. Probably ever since we left sec school. But same thing, feeling obliged because we started out together. Yes, we met a lot, with or without everyone. We did a lot of things together. But I'm not sure if it was because all of us were just coincidentally free or it was purely a choice of priority. If it was the priority, then what changed us? 

After trying so many years, eventually I got tired as well. It's hard to forge friendship, but it is also harder to keep it. It is really because I'm not doing enough? I spent 3 days 3 nights to make them handmade gifts for christmas. I didn't even make it for anyone else. I did until my back was stiff, my thighs were sore from sitting on the stool for too long and my thumb was numb from all the double-sided tape peeling. And yet, after the day it got given out, no one ever mentioned it again. And also sadly, some people inside have broken up. I have never in my life did so much for my friends, although I felt nervous and happy at that time, after that I really felt a little unappreciated. 

Nonetheless, I did another handmade gift for them the following year. I spent a lot of time on this because I didn't know if it will be successful or not and it will take a few days to get the results, meaning if it fails I have to try again. So I had to test it out way ahead. Spent many nights and a few shopping trips trying to figure things out. Succeeded in the end and I was actually quite pleased with the end product. And they were the only people I did for. But of course, same thing. I was excited to show it but other than the besties, the rest are like, probably didn't know what to do with it. I have never seen them as well. 

相遇難... 可相知相惜更難。

I can never get my priorities right, can I? I mean, just by reading back my posts, I had so much frustration with this group of friends. And now it's either they are not interested, not free and simply doesn't reply at all. Of course, not all of us may have been there with each of us when we went through things. It's a choice isn't it. When I sense some things and tried to reach out, some didn't take my hand either. I'm also saying this because when I reacted to their stuff on social media, I got 0 respond like I was a stranger. What to do leh? So honestly, it's really like we sort of lost contact. And after I have stopped asking for meet-ups, no one ever asked as well. Maybe not just me, but probably just max. 3 of us, the rest have never ever initiated a meet-up before. So it was all along a 'ok, by the way I'm free' kind of thing, and now obviously more are less free so cannot be bothered also. 

I get it. Who says friends that you know in sec school are friends that will stick together forever? Without everyone's effort, how is it going to even continue? We have been through so much together in sec sch, not just studying in the same class, even in the same cca, some of us see each other 7 days a week, knew some of each other's secrets back then. But so what? Anyone could be easily replaced. I am not exactly sad about this? Just a little disappointed, like I always said. 

I even set up a blog for us before. Did everything right down to coding the page with blogskin that was designed by me. But, no one cares. Ok, probably the same 3 or 4 people did. 

點點滴滴的確很難記得，畢竟大家生活的方向不同，生活方式不同。但我不明白的是，當我想要接觸你的時候，沒有得到任何的回應。是不想嗎？是我的問題嗎？I even tried to reconnect recently because I got some nostalgic photos we took in sec school. But the response was so cold I cannot even continue. 

In the past I always saved my time for them during important occasions, I always put meeting with them as priority, including cny, christmas, national day, birthdays, countdown even. But slowly, the cold responses never failed to make me disappointed but time after time I still made them the priority, till we do not meet anymore because I got tired of asking. Maybe my expectation was too high each time. And I guess the importance of each other is measured differently, esp. as time goes by. So much so that I don't feel like they are my priority anymore as well. And that's also why we had so many small groups branching from there because most of the times only the few will be interested. And then lesser, and lesser, to the point, even I have no idea now. The last time we all met for such occasion was 1 Jan (I think), 2 years ago. The rest are like thanks to one of us having baby, which I unfortunately really couldn't attend the full month and first birthday. I guess we are just not worth each other's time, most of the time. Not sure what the rest thinks, some probably wants to reconnect only if asked. What's left in the group chat is really just birthday wishes mostly. 

I'm also not saying that I'm the only person who put in effort for this friendship. I really don't know what the others think about this. Still, overall, it's quite sad. I know, most of us are introvert, I'm probably the most extroverted introvert (when I'm being forced to), does that justify? I'm also not trying to victimise myself to say that I did all the work or whatever, recently someone else also asked the smaller group if want to go hiking together, but you see, people only replied when they are being pointed out. And still, at the end of the day, someone didn't reply at all, although she is considered the closer one. But who knows, people change. Ok, I'm not putting in enough effort. So I also don't have many friends. 

I'm introvert, there's only so much I can do. And I really hate 热脸贴冷屁股... Faced it so much that I got enough. oh wells. 

可惜吗？也许吧。但是，如果你心中的那些人不在乎，那你怎么在乎都没有用。只觉得可惜是我自认为我们以前还蛮好的。或许也是我没有放太多心思在他们身上吧。

It's been 10 years, my friend.

This post has to be today. 30 Aug 2020. 

I know, it was really a bad idea to revisit memories in the middle of the night. I did it anyway, and emotions just filled my entire body after watching the videos again. To be honest, most of us may have already forgotten about this, ok I'll just speak for myself. It wasn't until the memories of this day on FB that the memories started flooding back at me. but well. see this page for the post. Bye Joel Tan

I can only say that it's really easy for human to forget something and pick up a new habit. We probably only really skyped in the first year he left. And after that it was just birthday wishes and of course, that died down as well. The last we had a short exchange was his birthday last year. And that marks 15 years from when we met. That was crazy, and now he's already been away to Toronto for 10 years and I don't even know what he is doing anymore. And, when the sy people are together (which is also quite non-existent), no one talked about him anymore. It's just a little disheartening to know that this is exactly how humans work. You built up this relation because of work, the things you do together daily - if not often enough. And then when you move on to something else, it's just hard to keep maintaining every single relation you have forged. 

It's true, at the end, we move on with our lives. I'm even close to most of them now. I don't even remember how he sounded like and do not know if he sound the same now. So I happen to scroll through his fb to see if there were any traces of past friendship - none. Except for yvonne writing him birthday wishes once 3 years ago. And that's it. But I also came across a podcast he was working with his schoolmates, so I listened to the part he spoken in. The voice is so foreign, I wouldn't have recognised it if it wasn't for the fake that he introduced himself. Just felt a little mind blown and a little sad. That's all. 

I mean I still remember this friend, I'm quite sure he still remembers us all and will any time welcome us to visit him. Yup, 10 years have passed and none of us visited Toronto, neither did he come back at all, he wasn't intending to anyway. But still, I kind of miss this friend, especially when I was reminded how much fun and how much crazy things we did together in the past. I really love him as a friend, if I could, I would even love him as a person (kidding) all these years because he is worth it. And actually, I really want to plan to visit him when I can. I still have the hope to see him and to reconnect again some day. 

Not saying that anyone is at fault or it is unique to this case, but that's exactly how people are now. 

How often do you tell friends/colleagues/people who are leaving your daily life 'Hey, let's keep in touch!', or 'Hey, let's meet up soon!' Maybe I was being naive all the while, but I would really take these words to heart and I would think that someone who said it, mean it. I don't remember when was the last time I said something along this line, because I know I may not do it anyway, so I don't say it. Only to come to disappointment of course. Don't use these words so easily, just don't. I'm mindful of using them because I know how it felt to have people telling me these but I have never met them since. And I really understand how people come and go in my life, so really no hard feelings, and don't have to be politically correct.

You may say that I can make the first move. Right! I could. But I actually also couldn't, I'm an extroverted introvert. Taking the initiative is not quite my thing unless necessary. Maybe because they are not that important to me too afterall, as much as I'm also not that important to them. To think about it, these are really usually said by outgoing people. And they probably don't mind people telling them the same but don't do it. Maybe it's also just me. Nevermind.

Oh well, I also understand that's why I have lesser and lesser friends now. Like look at this period. Without work on weekends and weekday nights, I'm almost home all day. I'm like the freest person around and I don't even really have the urge to go out with anyone. But I'll be ready to accept any invitation to go out. There isn't many, and sometimes, I'm also slightly reluctant. Anyway, I also tried, and failed a few times. In the end, I went on my own. Also, I've made moves so many times, but I'm just, ignored and still the same. 

All right... it's just me! No hard feelings at all. 

I still miss you Joel. (every now and then hehe)

Cebu*Bohol 2016

Not to make up numbers... but this has to be one of my most memorable trip till date. To be honest, I was quite skeptical and nervous about the trip because I really do not know what to expect from the trip. And indeed, there were too many surprises to me.

Flight and accommodation booked and I still don't believe that I'm going. Haha. But of course we did.
Took us almost the whole day to get to our first night stay and also the place for the next 4 nights.

Flight to Cebu -> Taxi to Cebu Port (Take the white taxi only - by meter) -> Fast ferry to Tagbilaran Port (about 2h30min) -> Taxi/Tricycle to resort (depends on how people, we had 6 and were offered 600P to get us to the resort in one 9-seater. Somehow we managed to get another cheaper one at 500P).

The owner/staff of the resort was waiting at the door for us, and once I showed him the email, no other questions asked and we were brought to our rooms. Not the most fantastic place but it was cheap and acceptable. Thinking that we spent about 60+ per pax for the 5 nights there, I guess we can't complain too much. Moreover, they were friendly and helped us in our requests in many ways.

Because we were rushing for the ferry, didn't really have a good lunch, all we had were biscuits, water and my brilliant idea to bring a packet of honey butter cashew nuts. haha. Even though we were already super hungry, we walked all the way to have a atas dinner at another resort about 15min away. Saffron Restaurant at Amorita Resort - yup, as the name suggests, the most expensive. HAHA. And that's it for the first day after eating honey ice-cream that tastes a little salty but the koropok-liked cone is really nice!

All the food for June

You know, sometimes I read my old blog posts, fb posts and twitter and wonder to myself: what the hack was I writing about? The emotions were so strong in the posts but I just can't recall what they were about. I mean.. to think about it... Sometimes I know that when I look at it in future, it will be something I will remember, plus it's about someone I can't name so openly. So if it's something I can't remember, it most probably means that it wasn't necessary for me to even have that post. haha! It's so lame. But even so, that's okay because these are public domain and one just can't be too sure that any thing like that wouldn't go viral or known to that person eventually cos the world is just so small. BUT THEN... my written diary (yes, I still keep one).. No one is going to read it, except for myself, and I write like someone is. -.- I looked back and there are some things I cannot recall at all. And there's no way to check against either cos then it should have been the fall back part right. HAHA! What was I thinking, seriously. Anyway, so... I should share some positive stuff. :)

OH WELL... just when I thought birthday was over.
I have been meeting people and eating non-stop 2 weeks following the birthday (Birthday started on 11 Jun). And I'm almost dying from the food though I'm happy every single time with friends.

120616 is over.

也许现在我不太看重‘生日’这件事，有一点点是因为几年前认识了苏打绿以后青峰说的一些关于生日的事（就不必在这里说了）

谢谢看到脸书说是我生日然后用了几秒钟祝我生日快乐的人们。虽然不是一件什么大事，不就是打那几个字吗？但你做了吗？看着这些祝福的名字一一出现，不禁有些感慨。就连一些我不太熟的朋友都做了，有些多年的朋友却认为我不值得他生命里的几秒钟。好吧，就叹个气而已。因为是在意的人才会有这样的感觉的。其实我已经很高兴了，因为我没有想到会有这么多人不止用fb的方式，而是更直接的whatsapp :) 我觉得跟我想的一样，是更有意义的。

今年最大的不同呢，就是，我们15年的友谊就这样散了。因为除了我们几个以外，其他人都是如此的被动。谁都会累的。在没有人主动的提问下，被动的人就没有反应了。反正他们也都只顾自己啊。我们没有谁怕谁的，不知道是哪一边出了问题，无法避免的，就算我这几年多么努力的想把大家拼在一起，最后累的是我自己。不拼了，结果就是粘不在一起了。朋友也是两方面的，我想跟你联络做朋友，也要你肯付出时间和精力跟我做朋友才有用。最近终于看到什么朋友真心，什么朋友一向敷衍，或只是出于习惯跟着而已。

觉得很对不起常常以我们为重要的朋友出发的朋友，有时我会冷淡的对待，但是.... 现在开始我不会了。另外一群也是如此。也许，对他们来说，我也是出自于习惯的出现；可有可无。因为已经在一个群组里，不可避免的带着我一起而已。哈哈！

现在起做一个称职的朋友吧。

(朋友太多，但到最后，我从来就觉得选择比较重要的朋友是一件很困难的事）

And well, all these will be visible when the birthday comes. Why?

Real friends wish you happy birthday and ask for a meet up and really meet up with you. Or even, before the birthday comes, not even having to say it's for your birthday. Normal friends wish you happy birthday and that's it, or say meet up soon but that soon never comes. Effort is the word. 

Anyway I think that personally I'm quite an awkward person. I don't like all these stuff but I get a little disappointed at times when it happens to other people and not me. Haha. Just can't make up my mind if I want to feel awkward with all these people staring at me or sad that no one actually cares to plan a little. HAHA!

Time really passes so quickly. Looking through instagram having photos of past year(s) just can't seem to allow me to gauge how long it felt since the last, last last, or birthdays 3, 4, 5 years ago. It's amazing how my feelings haven't changed all these years; that I actually don't mind having the whole day to myself. 

And I will do it next year. I promise. 

Birthday. 又来了. 然后走了.

I was never the 'Hey, you want to meet and celebrate my birthday' kind of person. I am still not. If anyone wants to celebrate for me, I'd be happy. I didn't expect anyone to celebrate with me this year. After all, with the passive kind of mentality I have, I should get lesser and lesser celebrations right? I really need to thank my friends for putting in effort to make me feel loved. As much as I didn't really feel like celebrating my own birthday anyway (partially cos I'm getting older), I enjoyed each and every meet up with the friends. In small group or big group, it doesn't really matter. To where we go, it doesn't really matter as well. Because I really loved the company. I'm not sure if it's me being Gemini or not, or it is just me that even though a little on the quiet side sometimes, also very noisy when with the right company. haha!

Furthermore, I'm only in this company for about a month, hence, I would never expect anything from anyone in the company cos I would expect anyone to know as well. But friend announced loudly in office (several times). Lol! Then she and lunch khaki wanted to treat me lunch! :D Even though in the end we went to the ramen that serves free ramen to birthday person on actual day, even comes with a side dish! Lol! So they decided to get me cake too.

In fact, I had already 5 different cakes through the day. Lucky thing I didn't redeem my free cake from Starbucks. Of course I shared the cake, even if I ate most for some of them. So they got me 2 cakes from Cake Spade (we sat there to finish them, I even had candles, I don't even the last time I had 1 lol!), 2 from the 2 cute interns, and 1 from the sister :D To prove the happiness further, I haven't had so many cakes for the longest ever. I am a happy girl. :)

Happy girl ended the day with an awesome concert and a lovely time with the sister! :D Kit Chan was amazing, she was so good! I loved the way she spoke too. Everything felt so comfortable. :)

And then I had a BKK trip in Sept

I say I'm kind of lucky. To have the luxury of all these. Again, it's kind of an impulse decision to go along with the friends. But it was a happy one. :) Went to Bangkok with some of the Beloveds. First time 6 of us plus 3 went overseas together.

It's very hard to have so many close friends going out at the same time. And we are all glad of each other's company (I'm sure). Haha! It's a bit impromptu, and I had so many choices I chose this over the rest. But excitedly we had all the flight and accommodation settled. :)

It's a crazy trip of eating and shopping.

We reached there early afternoon, so soon after we dropped our bags at the hotel, we went out for lunch at Platinum mall, it was an impromptu decision for the fuji restaurant lunch and shopping indoors because it was raining after we finished our lunch. So we decided to shop where we were.

To be honest, BKK is like HK, 買東西、吃東西，買東西、吃東西。With an extra option of massage. It's like the best place to go get new clothes blah blah blah.

Went to do Pedi and mani too, but I don't think I will do it again next time, because they really took toooooo long. HAHA! I only did cutting for both hands and feet and drawing for toes only and it took me 3 hours. I was so going to die sitting there (almost).

Massage was awesome as ever! Every night without fail :) Shiokness. Even met a friend/ex-colleague there. We don't even meet in SG because we stay in different parts of SG. haha!

Weather was a bit crazy. It's either too hot and it's raining. LOL! We had to stay indoors on one of the days because it rained when we were about to go out. The other times we had some difficulty getting back to the hotel dry, even though we had ponchos. And luckily we had the ponchos.

Despite that, surprisingly we had enough chances of roadside stalls food. Glad that we always have a street of food right below the hotel. Though they don't sell till late like 1, 2am, but I have to say we had a lot of good food here and there. Some of which I didn't even know or tried the last time round. :)

Spent most of my money, buying things only for myself. HAHA! Okay, a few items for other people, but seriously, not much. I don't know how I really am able to buy so many things, just for myself. Oh wells....

It was really a good trip with the closed ones and I really look forward to going somewhere else with them again! :D

Draw Something?

It's been a long time since the last update? Been busy anyway plus there's no exciting things happening in life! How sad.

Lately, everyone is in the craze of playing DrawSomething. I was quite resistant of it at first, because my drawing sucks all time. But in the end I succumbed to temptations to download the app. And well, it goes that I'm drawing something! And I think i'm quite okay leh. At least i'm drawing instead of writing. 


And at least I Feel I'm slightly better than some of my friends. HAHA!

August Part 2

I have enjoyed august as much as i have dreaded it too. Last month i said i was looking forward to the coming of Aug. But after august came... it went away too quickly. And of cos, finally the end of aug came and joeltan has to leave for his studies... In between, lotsa exciting times. And to speak the truth, I think i've never been so busy my whole life, compared to the last 2 months.

There were 2 farewells with joeltan. First one was.. not that emo... cos the gathering time was quite short. But the stay-over was quite fun. How nice if I do not need to work. haha! But well, work is important too. If not next time where got money to visit joel at toronto? Heh. So slept really late. Joel, ekjun and I were really doing very random stuff.. Like they were playing song-guessing game! Like omg. And half the songs i dunno de lah. lol.

And joel cooked supper for us. Although it's just tomyam maggie mee. But it's cooked by joel tan! :D And while eating... we were watching some random stupid youtube video and singing ndp songs. HAHA. I dunno why but it was quite random. Maybe started with us talking abt December Rain? Hmm.. can't rmb. But we were having fun.. until actually dun really feel like sleeping. haha! But next day was quite chui. haha!

The 2nd one was... actually even more fun. It's like a whole of things going on.. And we all hoped the day wouldn't end. More SY and GGG stayed... It's like totally epic. Hmm... Hard to recall, it's just talking, playing, eating and drinking all night long.. until some were totally gone. (actually i think only joel and alfred are gone) HAHA.

Yup everything ended when all were gone to sleep. I didn't prepare to sleep there, wanted to come home and sleep on my bed instead. Thanks ekky for sending us back. haha! :D

And yet there were concerts again... as i mentioned in previous post.. 1 SCO and 1 Fried Rice Paradise. :))) SCO concert was awesome. Although we were late. -.- stood outside with many others for the first song. hais. Er ok nothing much for the concert. Went for our last supper with joel then. hahaha.

Fried Rice Paradise was love. My emotions could be greater for it if not for the departure of the dearest joeltan. haha. But still, the musical was great, and their vocals were great. I still super love Sebastian Tan. HAHA. He's really good. english also good, chinese also good (he sang quite a no. of TV series theme songs and If There's Seasons for the first run). And i totally love his father's (Darius Tan) expression in words. Damn funny. 'Neh mind, neh mind', 'wah wah', 'hwa hwa'. His pronounciation of some words are hilarious. 'More-deng-nis-za-sion'. lol. Looking forward to Cinderel-LAH! both of them are acting in it. Sebastian as Prince Char Mee, and Darius Tan as one of the step-sister. haha. Can't wait! :D

Oh Taufik was not bad too.. could see they very wanted to make use of his vocals. Haha. Had a lot of chances for solo singing. Good for his first attempt on such stage. Much better than someone else on the other stage. Oops. =X

Girl, Jiayou!

It breaks my heart to know a friend-different-school-junior going through something like that. I hope she will be all right and stay as strong and cheerful as she has always been. It's easy to say but no easy to do it. I hope she can pull through all these and i'm glad all her friends stood by her in this difficult times. She's not even 20 and have to go through such stuff which we would never want to go through the whole of our lives.

I wish all well for her, and after all these treatments, she will be back to the healthy and cheerful girl i used to know. Jiayou! :)

Bye Joel Tan

Actually I don't really know why am I so affected. But i'm just VERY affected. And still affected. The fact is that it's hard not to think of all the times we have gone through tgt in SY for the past 5 years.

I rmb I mentioned twice (or thrice) that I will not be joining SY the following year. Was becos of studies and work and what-not. But I didn't afterall. Cos i was lucky that my studies didn't make my practices impossible. And I knew that I really couldn't bear to leave after all. But now come to think of it, if i had left 2 years ago. I won't be so sad now cos there would be so lesser good memories with joel and the group.

[edit] It was just 1 day after the departure that i typed the previous paragraphs. I stopped because I couldn't control my emotions while typing and i was still feeling very sad. now it's 3 days after the departure [/edit]

I meant that seriously. But i'm at the same time happy that he's embarking on his learning journey. It's something i've always wanted to do. i.e. studying abroad. Just not to the extend of not coming back. And i'm really glad his back to studies, and doing something he likes i hope. :) Just that I haven't really gotten used to it.

It was all tears and hugs at the airport.. Erm. for most of the girls. and junhe. Maybe cos we are the closest. I totally cannot control although i super wanted to. So as to be him depart with better feelings. but fail lah. Then that night and following day(s) was quite emo, and not me only. All the rest as well. Tsk tsk tsk. We love him too much.

But the age of technology makes everything so much easier. Because we skype-ed with JoelTan ytd! :D I think we were ALL excited to talk to him. :)

And so many changed their fb dp to the photo we each took with joeltan. It was cool. And still is. :)

Ok. We got to get on with life and well cherish each other asswais. :D

Hope we get to go there and visit together in time to come.

My (only) Bday present and some thoughts

My chio holga camera. Bday present from my girls. :)

And in fact, my only present for this year's bday. But actually i'm fine with no presents. Because i felt that there's nothing i really need or want. Ok have lah... But i know it's not within anyone's budget and i'm depending on myself. :) So i had quite a hard time deciding on what i want from them until the idea of toy cameras came across my mind. And omg it's quite addictive. Janice i totally understand. hahaha.

And i've already started using it.. but cos it's different from using a dslr which i've been frequently using one lately, it's sometimes difficult to rmb the steps to take a new photo with this manual camera. haha. and i'm still getting used to the reflex lens. (always shift in wrong direction) lol.

As for my own reward for myself. I'm already determined to get myself a iPod Touch. I wanted to get it with my 2nd month pay, but then ah, it nv came true, till now. And i dunno why, it just didn't happen. I think it's due to my usual stingy-ness in getting any gadgets. I'm not used to spending a lump sum at one goal. Makes me draw back my ideas sometimes. (fyi: the ipod(s) i ever had are all foc. if not i dun think i will possess any one of them) And cos my phone is also at the danger of having the whole screen gone, and my internet is pissing me off, so much so i wanted to terminate the contract plus demand for breaching waiver, so that i can get an iphone. But also, i have yet to take the action. hais. I really should take some action. When i have all the time to sit at home and talk out with the singnet ppl.

Then last thing to say abt my bday. (HAHA). It's really nothing great and so I appreciate and thank every single person who remembered my birthday and bothered to drop me a msg on fb, sms and msn. Even if u didn't wish me and actually rmb after that, it's ok! We'll try again next year. You know it's just like a test of friendship. Some all-time friends that you haven't met for quite some time, and you don't know if they are still friends to u, wait for the birthday to come. If you wished that friend happy birthday, and he/she did the same, most probably friendship still applies. Cos be honest, if u dun really regard a person as a friend, or u think he/she doesn't regard u as a close friend, you wouldn't even bother to wish him/her. Same for me! =X haha. FB is such a convenient thing now, I used to rmb all my friend's bday by hard/my organiser (which i still do). If not for fb, i dun think i get 100 wishes from my friends. So ya. Thanks for still treating me as a friend! :D I would so much wanted to list out every one of u. but that would be too tiring. Sorry. Hee. 

And i need to sleep now. I hope i have have my desired possession(s) soon! :D

My issue...

Today i suddenly thought of something which happened earlier this year.. and all along i didn't tell anyone. And i think no one else knew abt this cos i was the coordinator, and probably the person who said it. I'm not going to put any names down, i just want to rant it off.


We are arranging to meet a friend (A) for dinner/supper before she flies off. As there were quite a few of us, it was a bit difficult to arrange a time good for everyone. So there was a lot of smses to and fro. And i dunno, i might have confused some ppl along the way cos i sent different msges to A and the rest of the grp. Eventually, i managed to get most of the grp on a certain day which A said that she is fine with it alrdy.


So when i cfm the dinner meeting time with A, the reply i got was that A thought it would be supper. And goes on to say that she's having dinner at home with her family. I admit that it's my mistake to assume the time she is available to meet us. And becos A takes a very long time to reply each of my msg, and time is tight, so i didn't double check with her beforehand. Yup, my fault. So i tried to salvage it lah. I told the rest abt the situation i think. Then B told me that it's fine, but she can't stay too late cos of important school stuff next morning. And i told A abt it and ask her to come after her dinner, like as early as she can make it. My heart sank when i saw the next reply. 'my mum is cooking dinner specially for me. So i can only make it after dinner. You guys can eat first. It's ok if i don't see B. Meet her year end then.' I feel sad all of the sudden, sad for B, sad for myself, and sad for us all. She may have said the same abt me too.

Suddenly i felt like saying 'let's just forget abt the meet up', since A doesn't seem to see a need to. But i didn't say that out lah, just that i was quite emo for a while.

Ya.. my fault for the miscommunication... but she doesn't have to be so cold abt it. I felt that i have made a lot of effort for the close friends ard me and sometimes things like that just makes me feel a bit disappointed. And makes me think if all these while it's worthed me doing it.

A lot of thoughts still lingers within me, i don't know but sometimes when i think of such stuff, i will hold back for a while. But in the end, i still can't resist and try to do something i can to make things work.

If u know who and what i'm talking abt, you may want to talk to me abt it, but anything, i don't care. I don't know if u still read my blog, (and if u still rmb u said all these), you may want to think abt it. I don't know what's ur feeling when u told me those words. I really have no idea. I have no idea if we were still friends like we were.

Period.

A short rant

I'm all ready to complain share.. but where is the listener?

I'm been thinking abt this so many times. Do you ever have friends whom u are really disappointed with but do not know how to tell them?

This is not a place to say it. I already said it in my heart for so many times and i didn't have a solution for it. I don't need you to know who is it, but maybe take a look at yourself and ask if u have really been a friend. Not just to me, but others as well.

But well, those who aren't really friends wouldn't see this as well. So what's the point.

Nothing much...

Ytd this time... I was still at Mac with Via and sushi.. Finishing up our convo and getting ready to go... We like long time nv see like that.. Sit there and talk for so long. haha! Reminds me of our regular supper meet ups last time. Ever since my graduation... we haven't been meeting up for supper that much anymore... And now that the prata shop is undergoing some changes, the new signboard is up, but not opened yet. So ya, haven't been going there. And of cos i'm not really keen in having supper anymore (although ytd's mac was really satisfying. haha) =P

Afterall was quite emo abt something ytd and was hoping to find some consolation somewhere. That perhaps made me end up buying some snack from ntuc before meeting the 2 of them. And then was thinking through. I can't really blame anyone or anything. Yah.. and that's life. Ignorance is really bliss in this case. I hoped i didn't know. But ya anyway we still will at the end of the day.

只能说，不走运。

Bye 2009!

How long have you not see a new post here? (that is if u are still come frequently like i do) HAHA!

Anyway, though 2009 was an eventful year, it was not the best. Lots of changes to life. I didn't really have a lot of posts for the year as well. Abt 100. Merely there.

2009 ended with a half-happy-half-sad note.
Happy? Why not? End of year is always the party and gathering time.
I had my super fair share of fun with my Beloved COgang, SYCO peeps and Royal Family. It was almost all i could ask for, although i hope there were more ppl i could meet up with. But well, it's all right, we still have other times to do so.

Sad! Cos i lost some of my things. wallet, job, some money during mj, some tears here and there and ya.. most importantly, my direction. The only thing i gained in the process was freedom.

Though work had not been the best, but it's at least better than nothing. I do like the company, as in the nature of the company, although I do not agree with their management style and the rigidity in such an arts company. I do not understand why an arts company has to be so business-liked and artistic reasons was to the minimum. Or at least that is what i feel. Anyway, colleagues are rather cold, there is no empathy between them. And well, that's the end anyhows.

What happened in 2009:
- First 4 months were packed with school, work, internship and syco. There wasn't much time for any other regular activities except for some small meet-ups with the regular friends. Which i was grateful for, if not the whole semester would have been boring.

- Glad to have the chance to travel with friends twice in a year: Taiwan with Qin in May and HK with Kim and Han in Dec. Must have thought that i'm rich. But ya, the 2nd trip was much more like a opening trip with my ny girls. That's why i went. Nonetheless, I enjoyed myself so much during the 2 trips. So many moments to rmb.

- Happy to have the chance to attend 2 pop concerts - JJ Lin on 28 Mar and Stefanie Sun on 11 July. The artistes are just awesome. And we should really support local talents so that they will always come back!! :)

- Other than that, attended quite a few good concerts/shows in the year. Remembering off-hand: Cats, 天冷就回来2009, Broadway Beng, Budak Pantai and some good SCO concerts.

- First time organising outings for the maternal side cousins. Which turned out to be really fun! Once to Pengerang in Feb, and once just the older girls in July. It was really fun with them. We all came from different age group and yet can really click well. Looking forward to more this year. Time to plan for some during CNY. hee. (And forget it, far from possible for the other side)

- Though not always jobless, I have been working on a temp staff basis. With 2 positions related to CO. Yea, i do like the nature of both work, i.e. CO. And i really do not mind working for either of them. But I didn't really like the idea of temp staff because there's no sense of belonging at all. And of cos, I feel that i'm being exploited for doing more than I should. And I hope that 2010 will bring better chances in getting a perm job. Well of cos, I got to be more prepared for such chances. On the side note, it is also becos the temp jobs only pays me hourly and obviously it is very little. Stop complaining if u have a stable job paying more than what i have. Esp. in front of me. I feel very worthless.

- Another good point to mention. I think i've spent sufficient time with the SYCO peeps in the year and we have had quite a few good performances together! Don't u all agree with me? From annual concert to SYF presentation to Outdoor concert to Chamber recital! I still think our tian wang and tai yang was cool and it sends chill down my spine and goosebumps up when i watch it. Touched. Really! :) Really love the SYCO peeps!

- As for my Beloveds, I am really glad we got over the year tgt again. I was happy that i was there for every single celebration you can find in the year. And I want to do the same this year. It feels happy and blessed to have friends with me for my special day every year and i hope u all feel the too! :) So be sure you are there for mine and the others as well. :D

- Started to gym in Aug. Had a good time in gym and had a good time having runs and all, to keep fit and loose some fats of cos. And proud to say, finished my first 10km run in Dec for Standard Chartered Singapore Marathon. I didn't think i would be able to do it before I really finished.

- There are some friends whom i didn't meet in 2009 at all. Was a bit disappointed cos all the plannings didn't come into action. I tried and failed. But I will try again. I don't believe that everyone would be as busy or busier than me. Com'on friends, we should really meet if not it's really hard to keep up, and it will only be worse every year. All right?

- Thanks to MOE, i started taking erhu private lessons again. After stopping lessons for 5 years, it was really a challenge to take it up again, esp. from a different teacher this time. But i didn't regret and i realised that i found back the passion in it. To excel in it. All these time I was just smoking through with what i rmb and what i thought i knew. But this is the time i really make some changes and improve to what i should have already gotten years ago. If it makes sense to u. haha.

- From the previous point, I was also granted one of my greatest wish - to get a new erhu! I was really happy when i got it. At a not-very-cheap price. My bestest gift of the year. My dad paid for it. He didn't even ask if I could get something cheaper. I really thank my parents for such supportive spirit and actions all these years.

Yup. That's all i'm able to think of. It is an eventful year, whether happy or sad. Well, Sometimes i felt that i didn't really do my best in the year. And definitely it's not one of the best years for me, cos of many reasons. And in fact, quite unlucky in my opinion. Even the good happenings didn't help me in thinking as such. But after reflecting, i'm sure we all have to move on. And well, I can only say that i'm looking forward to a better year 2010. Wash away all my unluckiness please.

Lastly, I thank all my friends who have shown me concerned in one way or the other regarding all the unhappy issues i had throughout the year. I really appreciated each and every one of you and what you have done for me. Without you guys (mostly girls), i would have been much worse than what i feel now. Let's strive together in year 2010! :)

Where got slack lor!

I'm back! Today not so busy.. so ya. update a bit lah. hahaha! <- that was in the morning.. maybe it's a curse.. cos after that i really didn't have time for anything else... plus my com was sent to some upgrading and clearing of space... more than half a day without my pc = very little work done...

Spent time going through booklet stuff... which was really jialat cos in the end i have really a lot of things not done properly yet! and now.. i like have to do everything all over again. Sians.. So i like spent last 2-3hours pia-ing all the things and like only half done? damn pekchek. OT for 1h and still cannot finish. It's always friday which will be the busiest. Think monday have to pia pia pia... Rahhh... Damn worried now lah. what if i cannot finish?? But whatever lah. =x

Now sitting in mac with one of the fun-est grp of ppl.. although i'm not involved in whatever they are doing.. haha. but ya... need to relax a bit and laugh with them sometimes... and that reminds me that last week i met minhui and junsian too... Haha. Tgt with a few other to celebrate Daryl's bday.. at a quite nice place.. but we kinda spoil the ambience of the place lah... cos we too noisy. lol!

Anyway... i'm really like so no life now... so must really have some fun sometimes also. :) Like seriously... my life now is like work, erhu, gym and home. tsk tsk. need more life but need more time also.. HAHA!

Work Life. Meet with Friends. Erhu.

Haven't been able to update a lot lately. That's the problem with working. Haha! There are just tonnes of things to do and hundreds of places to go. Plus the com i'm using is really like ancient slow. so there's nothing much i can do with it as well.

So anyway, so many things have happened lately, i dun really know where to start. Just last week, i already went to 2 Outreach concerts. One at NTU and another at Singapore Turf Club. Different Experience totally. For ntu it was really relaxing for me. All i had to do was to put the season booklets and brochures on the table and that's it! Everything was cleared by the audience and so i had nothing to bring back. The only good thing was perhaps I get to watch the performance and I finally got to meet up with some friends over there. Ok.. actually it's only 1 friend whom i haven't seen for a long time. and that's Jon lau. Lol! Zhongming and xiaoqiang were there too. Plus we went dinner tgt with their some other friends and took train home with zhongming. The rest went back hall. Had loads of laughter with them. And joke of the day was...

Friend to jon: You and A share the same birthday.
Me: Wah... Did u see her sleeping beside you?
Jon: Never leh... too dark.
Me: You also very dark.. i think that's why she can't see you also.
Jon: No leh... I got smile. (meaning can see his teeth)
Me (think for a while and laugh): Eh... Wait.. When you were born, where got teeth?!?!
...

Crazy.

Then had a group tour on fri morning. Exhausted my whole morning, walked here and there to get things ready. Luckily our venue manager was ard and he really did a great job introducing the building and the orchestra to our guests. I didn't really have to do much except to follow them ard and guide them to the places. Got to relax a bit since I had to sit with them in the concert hall to watch the rehearsal. It's really nice to hear them praise the orchestra. Cos it's equal to praising CO as a whole. Haha! They all left with smiles on their faces and i'm really delighted to see such scenes. And i hope they will be back for more CO performances. :)

Sat was Mid-Autumn Fest and to a certain extend i was rather reluctant to work. Moreover, I've only started work for abt 8 weeks and I had to already work for 5 saturdays. (ok i of which i was the performer). But still. it's a bit sian. Like jiaqi had said.. You are going to the same place again this week??? Anyway, not for the following 2 weeks or so before the next major concert! Hee. :))) And a wedding is going to save me from one of the duties. Heh.

That was the first time i enter the racecourse. Heh. But no horses lor. So sad. Seriously a lot of audiences.. Like full maybe? But there were some lousy incidents which happened and i dun wish to say it lah. Like reflects damn badly on Singaporeans. And for one of it, damn bad example for her child as well. Oh man. dun remind me of it.

Talk abt something else... First lesson for erhu was not bad really. He's really a nice teacher. He pointed out my problems immediately. Some of the problems i know, but just dunno how to solve. Anyway he taught me back the basics again. Which i was really grateful. I need it to build up my techniques. So back to changing between inner & outer strings, left hand posture, changing of positions on the strings and vibrato. Esp. the left hand part. I always felt that I wasn't holding the proper way and my hands kept getting off the pole. And now i'm trying hard to change. :) Tmr is lesson again! Going intensive to use up the hours and to train proper for audition as well. Yay-ness!

Yup. Sleeping time! Nites.