貓與狗

記得小時候我沒有那麼喜歡貓, 也許因為沒有甚麼接觸, 也許是因為二姐是愛狗之人, 身邊也只有養狗的人, 沒有人養貓, 所以對貓沒什麼感覺. 長大了以後, 看著家周圍的那些貓咪, 才漸漸對貓的關注越來越深. 

本來也覺得沒什麼, 就現在比較喜歡貓的個性. 今天看到朋友分享作家張曼娟在FB寫的一段話, 突然有一種'終於了解'的感覺. 她說她的朋友這麼形容她「我行我素，很有主見，又帶點神祕感，像貓一樣的女人。」雖然沒有人這樣形容我, 但我自己對號入座了. 這就是在形容我啊!

想起平時和朋友討論現在比較喜歡貓的原因, 也許因為比較沒責任感又懶, 就覺得貓不需要我那麼多的注意力和那麼有規律的生活 - 我不需要每天都帶它去樓下散步. 我不需要把我的所有時間都給它. 它不會一直黏著我, 真正需要我的時候才找我; 我需要它的時候可以去找它 (一廂情願的想法, 呵呵).

這點也讓我想到我身邊的朋友和我自己交友的狀況. 我不需要一直關注我的朋友或男朋友(如果將來有的話), 我也不希望需要一直去關注甚麼人. 我覺得我不需要一直去取悅甚麼人, 像貓一樣. 我也不想要有狗一直跟著我, 這樣會讓我沒有空間, 喘不過氣. 所以我要的不是人, 就是一隻貓?

唉... 難怪了...

說出來就好了

《放不下的活著》 - 插班生

今天會像昨天一樣吧
時間它走得多麼瀟灑
上一秒還好好的笑著
怎麼了

還以為開始慢慢忘了
還以為自己變堅強了
卻突然  聽到你最愛唱的歌了
又突然  整個心掉進黑洞了

放不下的  是你給過我的溫柔
想太多  才會把一切錯過
誰會預料  誰能接受
一刻不小心變成永遠的痛

放不下的  是沒對你說的所有
還有好多好多話想要說
你好嗎  聽見了嗎  想你了


原本就覺得是好聽的歌... 後來聽到933聽眾分享這首歌很有意義的時候, 多留意了歌詞. 感謝.
"放不下的  是沒對你說的所有
還有好多好多話想要說" 也許就是我最放不下的吧.


最近幾天小憂鬱了一下, 是很無聊的憂鬱. 但確切是為了什麼,也不太清楚了.
很想yolo一下, 但看來這次是不行了. :(
明年吧, 反正情況還是會一樣的吧.... 不是什麼高興的事, 可是我就是覺得還是會一樣. 我認了.
我對我的運氣已經不抱太大的希望了. 因為拿到這份工作的時候應該已經用完了,而且應該還不夠用. 明白就好 :(
明年就30了! 啊!
真的想一個人去走走啊... 還是只是因為快到六月了呢? 不知道為甚麼, 只要六月即將來臨, 我就有一種不安... 心裡真的好不安... 好像每天都有一千噸的重量在心上. 曾幾何時, 我多麼害怕生日的到來了呢?
而怕的理由竟然不是因為年齡長了一歲... 畢竟這麼多年來, 我從來不抗拒說出年齡這件事.. 所以這樣也是醉了... >.<

The next trip?

Last week one of my friends asked me, if I could only go to one place, where is the first I want to go. And you know what, I can't even answer this question. In the end I still had an option answer. i.e. Shorter period (1week) - Japan, Longer period (2weeks) - US. So it depends on how much time I can afford. Oh, and probably how much money I can afford too. Plus, if I can afford, I would really want to go to London. One of my dreams to watch some musicals there! Omg. I can't wait for myself to go already.

The thing is, there are so many places I'd want to go!

So now I've got to start saving. =.=

They say if I stop going to all the short trips to HK, I will have the money to go to these places. But but but... I <3 HK! And I seriously don't mind going again. Esp. for the camp or just shopping. Okay, maybe not the camp anymore because I believe that those memories are the best to keep. :) But shopping, yes!

You see, I haven't been to HK that often. The last time was 2 years ago. HAHA! And I haven't only gone to HK mah. And I visited other places before. So it isn't fair to say that.

Ok. Got to plan for next year soon. So that I can save up well. :)))

Bah............

Sometimes life is just full of irony.

As I was reading through some of the entries for the past year, I realised how much life has changed for me, how much things aren't real for me, how things just go off course so suddenly, how different it is now than what I thought they would be like in the posts.

I didn't have a job for the past 3 months but my expenses are the highest during this period. 2 Overseas trips plus driving lessons and PT is enough and plus all the other misc expenses like minimal shopping and such. I already very control. But well, I want to be strong and not admit to my family what I'm facing. And well, I owed my sister quite a bit of money to begin with. =x You wouldn't believe the amount. haha.

Then to make things worse, students left one by one. And it had to happen when I'm in need of them. I'm kind of disheartened to not teach anymore. But how leh? I think I'll give myself and the music school another month.

And then, more and more things coming up. I really need to settle this soon!

Apple!!! I Love! :D

Actually I've never imagined that I will really buy a MacBook. But I did! And to my surprise, I actually have quite a few Apple products. HAHA. And the addiction for Apple products came from the first one I ever got - iPod Nano 1st gen. I would have never gotten it on my own. It was a free gift from signing up for the internet connection. Never regretted doing that. And it lasted me for about 3years? Good enough i guess, because my friend who had the same one already changed to a new generation for quite some time by then.

And then I gotten a iPod Shuffle free (again), from doing a survey in Lasalle. And it was kind of a lucky draw. So I guess I was lucky for that once. HAHA. Now it still can be used. But not so much in usage, because of the next in line.

Finally I bought my first iPod (Touch). :) It's a total love really. Although can only use wifi but I thought of all these when I bought it. Got it about 2 months plus into my job. The first expensive thing I bought for myself as a reward, (just an excuse actually. Heh.) But it was really the best buy I had then. :))) But now it's a different story already! Haha! Oh, still loving it anyway. Just that shortly after I bought it, they launched the 4th generation. TSK.

And then now, I have a MacBook Pro! :DDD I really took a long time to decide on which one i should get. And sua ku me didn't know that there's no normal black MacBook anymore. -.- And seriously I loved that MacBook ever since I used it during internship at Lasalle. But that was so long ago. Yup. So things do change. HAHA. And then i was contemplating to get the normal white MacBook since it's so much cheaper. But in the end. 反正都要花那个钱了，就一次过吧。Yup, which is really so much of a one time spending. Later will explain.

Last one is iPhone 4! And actually the phone is supposed to be earlier than the lappy, but I did something a bit stupid, so yup, the phone will only come on Monday! and I can only use on Tues then. :( And even sadder because my phone is really dying. And I very scared it cannot 撑过这个周末. :( Ok, I'm waiting for Monday to come! And welcome new Apple product to the family. HAHA! When it's here I will post up photo of them together, but need to go and find my old one first. Heh.

Ok, that's all because my lappy is going to be empty batt in like 8min. Nights folks.

Change of blog add!

A sudden decision to change my blog add.. It's been with me for the past 6 years! Not exactly, but it was also in the month of March! Such coincidence.

And this happens to be the 701th post? So, time to do a little change. 

Reason to change the add: (1) To move on for what i've experienced in life for these years (2) A little change to how i want to present myself in the blog

Yup, so if you have come to this page, thank you for still following me. :)

A start to all that follows

Passed my FTT today. Was quite nervous at first cos I wasn't really prepared and didn't really do well during the trial test. Didn't really have time to read through everything. But turned that i'm 1mark away from full marks. Phew like what a relief. And so now can start with my lessons already! hahah. Erm. Like finally? I wonder when will i have the ability to get a car. Hmm... 真的要拼一拼了!

Random feelings

Suddenly i rmb something. 

We were in my aunt cum godma's car and we were talking abt my sis' wedding. Then she asked me when i getting a boyfriend. like -.- Then i said, erm... '要找就会有的meh? 找工作都找这么久了，男朋友应该没有那么快啦.' Like the best ans i can give. Seriously not like i do not want, but is really don't have. So what can i do?

But seriously i dunno is i suay or what lah... Ok i think i suay. Have been suay lately, I mean still suay. I haven't won any money from mahjong since i dunno when. I haven't had something which i really want it to happen. Whichever thing i didn't want it to happen, it just will. 

Life is a game. But even if i play it right, i will get to the end first? I'm not sure about that. But suayness haven't left me yet. Or so i think. 

And so, I really don't know what i have done to enable other ppl to treat me like how they do. I've never taken any person or any thing for granted. Eg. if i am the one asking a favor of another person, i expect myself to be accommodating to the other party's convenience. But i dunno why sometimes when i'm the person helping, i have to accommodate also. I'm not saying every time and everyone does that. But i'm just puzzled. I guess i've said this many times before also. It is because i'm too easy-going? TOO easy-going for my friends to take advantage of? I dunno, but perhaps i really have to learn to say 'No'.

Bubble-tea craze

Lately the BubbleTea craze is kinda back again. Same for me! KOI, Q-Essentials mostly. And it's like back to the >$2 age for a cup.

It reminds me of a bad experience with bubble tea back in the secondary school days. My friends and i were so into bbt that we go for different ones everyday after school. That was the sec 2 days... And i really mean everyday! For how long i can't rmb. But my favourite during that time was Chocolate ice-blended with Chocolate pearl. I love the chocolate pearl! HAHAH! But was damn ex for me last time lah.

But this incident i will nv forget. It was the day of Maths Paper 2 for final examination, in my opinion, one of the most important and confident paper. Just before the paper, my period came and i got cramp!!! Like damn jialat cramp. I took the normal Panadol pill, but no use lah. So still have to go for the exam right. But the pain is like making me tremble and lost focus. I can't rmb if i managed to finish the paper. But i was sweating and trembling the whole time during the paper.. Totally cmi. In the end i didn't do very well for the paper. Which was quite saddening. only 30/50 :( Luckily Paper 1 not bad and still make it to the first class. lol.

But ever since that time, i nv had bbt everyday anymore. At most like twice per week. Anyway there's one period whereby bbt faded out and there wasn't nice bbt ard. Until last year like that then we have good bbt in the market. So we are all back to the bbt craze! :D

Too bad nus doesn't have it... so i guess i'm going for healthy choices, i.e. juices! hahahaha! Good for myself. :)

CNY in a week

Wah.. can someone tell me why time passes so fast? It's already into the 2nd week of Feb.. and it's going to be CNY next week!!! OMG.

I'm only half looking forward to it... I totally can foresee what is going to happen during CNY. Every single relative is going to start asking abt my life now. and i totally hate to repeat everything over and over again. And someone just struck me dumb and deaf? I hate CNY when it's during any turning point of my life. Give me a break ppl. Give me the space and attention in another way please. I'm sure i can be better than this.

Or why not just make everyone dumb? I dunno but maybe that's a good idea. HAHA.

Feb already

It's been a month my dear readers... not just one month of the year.. But also a month since i last worked. -.-

I think it's really just me...

Yah!

Finally finished updating abt the trips... Oh.. forgot abt the JB one... aiyo.. will do so soon.

Actually i realised that i really very slow in updating abt overseas trips... Cos i took so long to finish the recent ones... and I really didn't finish the HK CO camp one in 2007 and the China trip in 2008. LOL! Both only have part 1. HAHA! =x I know that's like quite backdated... and seriously i can't rmb those details anymore also...

Moral of the story: Either really take down the details during the trip or just blog it all once you are back the next time.

Hais... no motivation at all.

Bad lah i know. Although i'd really wanted to share both experience cos it's something not everyone will experience. Of cos HK is common lah.. but the camp is not mah... And that China trip was one memoriable one.. cos it's when the sichuan earthquake happened. and places which i visited are so beautiful and i dun think many will visit at my age. haha!

Well.. if i have the energy to do it. i will =x

First Step

Finally did some cleaning to the com desk... And TADA!!



Really clean now.. And more space too! :) but the other parts of study room still... lol! Dun need to say much. Will make use of the time i have to tidy up... if not mummy keep nagging and nagging... really bth... But there's still a lot to go for the room lah.. Jiayou ba. Haha!

Random feelings

- Sometimes you make so much effort and in the end it is just another disappointment.
- I really do enjoy myself working in somewhere i really have interest for. but some things are just not want i want. And i just ALWAYS do not get what i like better
- I feel that you really have to like your job to enjoy your job. if not it will just be torture.
- I dun really like the attitude of __________. Since you are still in the company, you should do what you ought to do. Not to give the hack care kind of attitude.
- I feel injustice. for a lot of things. life is just not fair.
- My existence is needed to the minimum. So much so that it is not appreciated at all.
- Things just doesn't work this way.
- I dun want to spend so much energy on such things anymore. Tiring.
- I am a person with very little initiative. yet i have to pick up that little bit to do it first.
- I dun care but this is what i feel.

Nites.

Some update

Nothing is really getting any better. I'm still the lowly paid cheap labour... And i'm still struggling with all the other activities i try to have. It rather fulfilling actually.

Had a good lunch with my NY girls. Talked abt many things but mainly our r/s. Thanks for their concern but if nothing comes, it can't be forced as well right? But i'm happy for the girls who are going on quite steady. And of cos. Someone with pursuer. :) Mine? Slowly wait ba. God knows when and how? It's not easy i guess. Dun worry, i'm as as happy even i'm still single.

And I really enjoy working out. It could be a bit demanding and kinda testing my limits. But it was really good. Er-jie and I missed the bodycombat class on sat cos we were late. So did some workout on our own. Then jogged at ECP on sun evening with yushi. Nice one. Cool weather and good determination. (But spoiled photo memory card. -.-'''). Best was bodycombat class on monday. Really drained every bit out of me. And i have aching thighs today. LOL! damn jialat. Feels like an old woman now. But all was good. Hope to do more and better. :)

Yup. Need to sleep more too. Nitex. Update again soon. I hope. :D

最后

这是最后一次为他流泪。再也没有什么奢望了。

Waiting for next month!

Somehow i'm looking forward to the next month!! :))) Watching Broadway Beng, concert(s), stand chart marathon, HK trip with the ny clique, SYCO chalet... And many more!!!

This month... i know work is going to be unbearable these few weeks... plus i need to practise erhu for sy audition. It's not going to be easy this time round. so i really need to and have to practise well. Hais. hope next year i will still be inside lor. =x Some friends are coming back. worth to be happy! :)))

I'm really looking forward to the HK trip... first time traveling with han, kim and von. (although i dunno if von will really be with us during the trip since her gab also going). But still, i'm excited! hahaha. And i'm really brushing up my cantonese this time round. :) Hehe. BUT! aiya too bad i'm going the day after NYCO comes back. so bu qiao. if not can meet them there leh! so cool right.

Then of cos the long awaited SYCO chalet... like that's the most looked forward activity every year. hahaha! But JOEL TAN is not going i think -.- Wet blanket. But i haven't really ask him why... TSK. But still, i'm looking forward to it. :)

Erm... Need to sleep so that i can wake up to run tmr! Nites.

Eh....

Busy busy... But a bit mundane too.... dunno what to type.. hahaha!

Had a nice dinner with han, kim and yuhui ytd. the rest couldn't make it... Really haven't meet up with them for some time. So a good time to catch up with them... Glad that yuhui gotten a perm job already... sounds good to me.. and the other 2 are enjoying their lives ba... haha! Good for them...

While i'm still slogging away in the company.. sians. lotsa things to do... tmr got a lot of things to do again!! Good luck to myself. haha.

How come i can't think of any happy stuff to blog abt?? :( Is life really so sad for me? Maybe i'm just tired. should go sleep liao... after i'm done with some installations.

Ah.. sorry for this senseless post. will update when there's something better to blog abt.

Random Bad Monday.

Definitely not the best of days.... Moreover a monday.

Stepped into the rather empty train, but all the seats were occupied already. cos i got in at the very last min. It's fine actually... cos the journey isn't really far. Just that, usually when i got into that train, i would have one and it's good for me to catch some sleep. Hee. Nvm abt that.

The first half hour of work was fine. maybe the day started to go wrong when GM forgot his access card in his car. haha. I opened the door for him and he went back to his car again to get his. Then the internet server went down after like 1h into work? Just like suddenly. Didn't know what the problem was. Apparently the whole office was affected lah. Then my com got so slow... i restarted the com. It updated itself and well. the whole Window got screwed. And it wasn't the internet's fault anymore. Had to think of ways to access to my documents and the internet after it's being fixed.

Happened that GM plugged something into his unit which caused the internet server to be down. oh well.. we can't scold him, can we? Lucky he's the one. It was only until ard 4pm that we got the internet connection back.

Then due to some miscommunication and some non-communication, i was left in the office till 1.30pm before i knew that my colleague has already gone for lunch without me. I'm supposed to go with 2 other colleagues (yy and yh) rather than the usual 2. I think it's just fate cos one of them isn't in office, and so i went down ard 1.20pm to find the other one. In the end she wasn't there too. So i guessed they already left. And i dunno why they already left cos i msged one of them to ask what time are we going. So in the end i went back to office in case the usual 2 haven't gone for lunch yet. (actually something was already telling me that i just had to go alone today). And ya. indeed. my usual lunch colleague (lj) came up from boxoffice, asked me if i had lunch, but said that she didn't have time. She said that yy and yh actually called up to look for me ard 1.15pm. I think i went to toilet and the call was diverted to S' phone. And she said 'no such person'. dots. so fine. i had to go on my own then. Later i saw the other usual lunch colleague (sr) already finished her dabao-ed food. Saw yy later and she said she didn't bring her phone. -.-

Subway-ed for both lunch and dinner. u say sian or not. luckily i haven't had subway for quite some time. i was refraining from eating it in case the sy ppl wanna eat there. and just as i had it today. i was asked to go there again. The only good thing for the day was i had my fav Polar sugar roll in the morning and Starbucks tgt with my lunch sandwich.

Oh ya.. and saw New Oap Uk! after i came back from dabao-ing subway for lunch. Chatted for a while and went back to work. After that was sian-ed again.

Luckily sy prac wasn't really bad. if not i will really be feeling damn bad after the day. and the 2nd time i went to subway i was with friends. sy ppl really nv leaves u. :) I dun want to leave them either. Time to start lessons again. but a bit of dilemma here. Don't know what i should do. hais.

Feel like sleeping the whole day. Dunno why. I thought i already had enough sleep ytd night but apparently not. And i should go sleep soon. Right after i finish this. Hais. have to face the music soon. Wed pls dun come and tmr com pls get well. i need it to be well. Nites and thanks for reading my rants.

a small laugh...

In the toilet at a mall....

女孩: 你在做什么?
妈妈没回答.
女孩: (敲着门) 你现在做什么? 是在小还是在拿toilet paper擦屁股？
妈妈：...
女孩:(又问一次) 你在做什么?
妈妈: 我现在要打人! 人家在听音乐 (商场的音乐). 不要吵!

....

小孩很妙, 妈妈也不差. haha! I was 偷笑-ing when i heard that... and the child really like 不耻下问.. impressed. but no wonder the mum was a bit pissed. but i think she find it a bit funny too. just didn't show. that's all. =P