Feeling stress

It's almost the end of Mar. Come to think of it, don't you find it scary that it's been almost 1 year since i graduated and I have gone nowhere? As in securing myself with something. And yes, i do feel very insecure and all for the past 1 year, not knowing what tomorrow will be like, let alone a month later or a year. And till now, i don't even know what will happen after next week. Will i be back to the same again? or what? I have no idea.

Although I spent the last 3 months mostly at home and meeting up with friends, syco, erhu and some random activities, I don't feel very good abt this kind of lifestyle. And that's why i rebutted sushi's comment. I wasn't really offended, rather, I didn't like the mention of it as if i need someone to remind me i'm jobless. I was quite upset with myself. And moreover, i believed i would be still able to have a wonderful entertainment life even with work. Becos i got very sick of ppl telling me and asking me abt my job searching, i dislike the sight of it. You know, concerns can be a kind of stress too. I felt very stress this whole time. I dislike the feeling the telling any family that i have an interview but in the end i was rejected. I didn't want to tell them i was going for interview but sometimes i couldn't avoid it. So what if i was feeling confident? Was it really my problem?

I feel guilty cos my parents, or rather my family, seems to not push me too hard although i know they are concerned. Then i felt even more guilty because they are more concerned abt whether i still have enough money to spend. I felt that i've already spent enough of my parents' money, esp. on my studies and everything else. They never complained, but they could have gone to a few more places with that kind of money. My sis asked me the same thing when she saw how much money i had left in my acct.

Hais, i got to work harder and be very well prepared this time round. Plus i hope the music goes well too. Although i think i played really badly. =x But seems hopeful.

Sighs, sorry for the sudden change in mood. Ok not really but change in emotion. Paiseh, sometimes can't control. I think i need emotion management. Not so much for anything else but just the being sad part. And the tears flowing part. I think i can handle anger, frustration and all those pretty well. Happiness dun need to handle lah. But then sadness + tears very hard leh... cannot control at all.

Ok. Shall go and sleep. nites everyone.