Tired. Give up?

It's yet another tiring day (wed)... let's start from the tiring tues..

Actually these 2 days i kept thinking if i want to carry on with my work and studies in this manner. last time i dun mind working becos those 2 days are my free day and i really have nothing to do except when it got near the assignment deadlines and exams. However, this time, not only i have to work... i have to go for a class right after work.. and everytime i find myself so lethargic when i got to class... and i actually dread to go to work in the morning as well.. can't rmb was it only this week or the same for the previous weeks.

Then it makes me really think if that's the way i want my study and work life to be. it used to be so relaxing and all that.. but not so for this sem. yes, of cos it's a good thing that i have very short lessons each day. but think again, the travelling everyday is very tiring. and i do not have time for anything else. Moreover, i enjoy the morning times at home. haix. i really dunno. perhaps i should look for an even more flexible job... since my supervisor has already resigned and her last day is end of the month.. i dunno how the scheduling is going to be like... leaving me in so much uncertainties for feb. given the so little commitment i could give to the company.. i dun even know if they still want me there! Haix. we'll see how it goes till the end of the month.

Then today (wed). Finally syco decided to start. with orientation. yes, again. how weird it is to attend the orientation every year even thou u are not new anymore. it blurs the purpose of having an orientation? haha. then the irony is... i can't make it for practice next monday even thou i'm waiting for it to start! haha! cos of the lesson that was changed to monday night lah. dotx. but still.. thinking whether to still go for prac. like either forget abt the lesson (since the slides will be given after that).. or go after the lesson.. hmm... Cos the thing is after the combine on monday... it will be a rather long break till mid-feb. cos it's going to be CNY soon! dun understand why everything is so slow this year. Anyway. how excited to start prac! haha!

Ok.. nonetheless... had fun at SCH today. actually it's a very blissful thing to be able to click with the most happening ppl in the grp. haha! at least we can make some noise and liven the spirits... and the good thing is i dun feel too old there! haha!! And in fact.. I'm NOT old!!! so stop calling whatever u are calling me except for my name.. dotx. (ok... i dun think this will work.. but i thought it's worth trying) Like whatever lah.

Anyway... i knew this would happen ever since that day... and i think maybe i deserve it... or i think maybe i should give up. actually i dun see the point if i kept on deteriorating at something that i should some confidence in.. why should i still hold on to it. Sometimes.... the more i wished to do well in something, the more it didn't go right. Actually i hoped that it had nv happened in the first place.. or i could have done something else to save it.. but it happened, and i didn't do anything after that. but the fact hit me so hard on the first time i heard it and i can feel my heart sank. i have much expected it... but just waiting for some solid evidence.. and it's finally here. i think... things will never be the same. should i give it up halfway since i know there's no good ending to it... or should i just finish the race and pretend that the ending is going to be good? Sometimes it's just hard to decide.

I know this is kinda abstract and no one need to understand it or whatsoever. just some disclaimer: the above paragraph is not related to anyone in my circle of friends and there is no finger-pointing at anyone. It's plainly a personal fa lao sao thing and i'm the only involved party in it. thank you.

Last but not least. Would like to tell all the ppl getting their O's results tmr (or rather, today), go with your normal and calm heart (i know it's very difficult, but try), and not be afraid that u didn't do well.. cos you know you've done your best no matter what. IT IS the result of your 4year education in sec school and no matter how good/bad it is.. it is very good already! Everyone has their own abilities and forte, so rmb to choose wisely and choose something you REALLY wish to do. if your parents are not supportive. dun give up. do your homework and prove to them that route you want to take is worthy. JIAYOU ppl. and i will pray. pls give me a call when u need someone to talk to. I'll be glad to ans. :)